1000-Watt Smile

pathetic

2012-03-01T04:27:00.000-08:00

I have alot to rant about... And alot to complain.. I still haven't got any answers yet.. Toso many of my questions... As usual I got to wait!! And when the going gets tough I spill the beans very harshly and bluntly because I have no filter..

I feel so heartless and un wanted... I have lost the purpose to live.. I am merely living everyday like a dead person with no heart.. Almost as sad as the tin man from Wizard of OZ... When I stop to ask myself who in my family would I go and ask for help in times of trouble.. I couldn't think of anyone.. Not even my parents.. Not that they wouldn't help me, but it would come with a painful price and make me feel awfully uncomfortable.. I have a few friends I can rely on.. But then who else... my other half... yes I could..

I need a good break.. and I can't wait to go to phuket with my colleague who has been very co-operative and practical.. hope it wil be a good trip.. I just need to get away from everything that is drowning me... I feel pathetic..

CA1 results came in.. it is a bittersweet feeling.. I had bouts of mini heartattacks throughout the weak as I marked.. But nothing could beat today.. I was in such an awful mood after a horrible tiff and to make things worse PERIOD! and to top it all off the science results really cut me!

I just couldn't believe it!! I was drowning in the swimming pool of sadness!! HOW HORRID!! HOW LONELY!!...

on the flip side, my form class, kinda likes me a tad bit more.. I tried playing mind games with them telling them they'd be getting a new teacher after the mar hols and they were sooooo upset the entire day!!! hahahaha.. but of course i told them the truth later on.. haha..as much as they annoy me they often find some way to make me laugh...I NEED MY OWN HOUSE!! WITH NOONE IN IT!!

"When a man's an empty kettle,
He should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kinda human
If I only had a heart."
-tin man

When my body gave in....

2012-02-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been carrying a huge burden around with me. I have been working like nobody's business. Trying to make as much as i could. Not only was I drained physically, I was mentally torturing myself with alot of issues that I became so numb towards many things which I once shared a great passion for. With my family's health deteriorating, and my filial responsibilities spilling in, with my own relationship that i pushed away to a corner. I was trying to figure out how to strike a balance. And when I ran out of all the energy i could give, my body gave in. I fell sick, but still persevered and pushed. Was told and spoke to very nastily. I mean, why do you get your priorities wrong!

And amidst all this I got my heart broken and couldn't forgive how much a person can strike back knowing that their victim has already suffered a lost. And yesterday, I felt like I was carrying this huge load with a heavy heart and heavy head, with the skin on my back being tugged by thick metal chains. And I consoled myself, I told myself that things were getting better. I felt anxious and tired the whole time.

And this morning, god reminded me. TO STOP! TOSTOP AND PUT MYSELF FIRST BEFORE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ELSE. My body gave in as i brushed my teeth. My vision blurred. I held on to the sink so desperately to regain sight. But my body gave in. The next thing I could recall was hearing a loud thud, probably caused by my head hitting the floor, i quickly picked myself up grabbed my tooth brush, squeezed out some tooth paste and wanted to brush my teeth. But once again, my vision started to blur. I scrammed to the kitchen table and sat on the chair. Thats when my parents came to help me..

A painful reminder, but a worthy one..

2012-02-02T06:16:00.001-08:00

A dead blog!

2012-02-02T05:36:00.000-08:00

I know that my blog has been pretty quiet and dead for some time. Thinking of changing it into a teaching blog. I have been spending alot of time building resources for my class and chanced upon teaching blogs of U.S teachers and it's pretty awesome and extremely inspiring. I haven't gotten down to fully setting up my class room but we're holding up pretty alright.

This year I have alot of responsibilities and alot of projects to work on. Furthermore, I dug my own grave by signing up for tuition which I really can't cope for much longer. No idea how to break teh news to them but I have to.Tuition means a very good amount of money but extra time means less time for myself and sprucing up lessons.

I like my students alot. They are a naughty bunch of cute kids. However, they do find some way to cheer me up by the end of the day. I often preach what i believe in almost everyday, which is to respect others, be humble and never hurt one another. Also to be considerate and think how their actions are going to affect others. I find my self repeating everyday, but I guess with children, you have to.

Its been almost 2 weeks since I even raised my voice in class. All thanks to whole brain teaching strategy. It's awesome. I use it constantly and tweak it abit here and there. I have yet to set up the birthday and goodies corner, thinking and calming down corner and the goals corner. I also haven't jazz up my class door with the vital statistics of my class! haha.. And haven't I done all these yet.. Because my time is eaten up in track, remedials, supplementary, focus group, safety duties, projects, assembly presentations, work reviews, lesson plans, markings, attendance cases and the list goes on.

And tuition...oh gawd....

Things have been pretty chaotic at home, my parents are not at their pink of health esp my dad and there is alot of tension. I have alot of issues to deal with and decisions to make. And since my life has revolved around my work, I don't have the time to sit and think. Oh what do I do! I have all these questions.. And I need to find the answers. I know that I need to help out my parents as much as possible financially. But at the same time how about my future? I have always depended on myself for everything. It makes me very uncomfortable to ask for help and I avoid it at all costs. I fear that I will not have enough to support myself and fuel my dreams and plans for my future at the same time I can't compromise my duties to my parents. And the most frustrating thing amongst all this is that my siblings don't give two hoots about it!! I mean seriously, are we from the same womb? Infact they only make the situation worse..

My relationship with my soulmate is actually going on smoothly for now. I guess we're too busy with our lives to quarrell or even hold a grudge with each other. Futhermore, if there's anything that teaching has given back to me, it would to be patient.I am almost indifferent to alot of things. I feel like the person I was when I ran competitively. Which is awesome. Also we got positive feedback about our marriage issues and we are thrilled to hear the good that are come our ways and what we have to do.

My relationship with god has been pretty neglected. Which is bad... because if there is anyone I have depended on it would be god. And I really need to make that effort.

Because I am so super busy. Yes I am honestly busy, no time to watch tv! I spend lesser time with the people i use to visit pretty often, barely get the chance to go clubbing with them or even talk. But with family they will never understand! Like I said I am indifferent, simply because I am not dependent on anyone for anything. At times I feel like delievering the pie from the help to some pple. But, otherwise, I couldn't care less, because I know the pple who love me and care for me truly understand my position and let me know that they are always looking out for me..

Oh ya, did I mention. Me and my darling Navin bought our first home. Which will take a while to arrive but it's all for the good of our wonderful future together.

Happy days yall'!

Engaged

2011-11-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

Yes I'm engaged.. And so blessed to have the man I love so much do this for meeeee!!! I was pleasantly surprised on my birthday twice.. Firstly by my darling friends and I can't thank crystal enough for her mastermind tactics to have strategically pulled this off together with navin and friends.. I was so confident that I knew what was going on.. But in actually fact I didn't!! hahaha... Not only they pulled it of with an awesome location and food, but gave me an agnes b bracelet!! awesome... dumped my tiffany for it!!! hahaha..

Navin cleverly tricked me by acting like a waiter and delievering the ring box on a tray to me!! haha.. And yes HE LIKED IT AND HE HAS PUT A RING ON IT!!! hahahaha... even threw in a "why I asked sangee to marry me" speech.. haha.. super cute..

This is my first major surprise b.day I've ever gotten in my life!!And it was the best feeling ever.. I had a mini surprise for my 21st.. that was nice too...

Can't thank the mastermind of this.. crystal.. I am very grateful to you.. Can't think of a better human being on earth than you!! haha.. IN MY NEXT LIFE I WANNA MARRY YOU HONEH!!.. I will be born enrique for you.. HAHAHAHAHA..

Not many friends will bother to organise such things, because of the hassle and all but I am so grateful to have friends like trina, han siong, kumster, moses, gina!!!

awesome you guys.....

I was surprised at the response i got on fb and from my family.. my family was actually really happy for me.. Normally indian pple dun really care.. but from his side only a handful of them were happy..

But I don't really care.. hahaha.. I mean I can jump of up joy for all I care!! woot woot..

my collection this year wasn't so bad..

ang pao from dad

bum handbag and ferragamo perfume from mom

dress from sis

armani watch and engagement ring from fiance

surprise b.day party and agnes b bracelet from my dolls..

pretty fun i'd say!!

life is not a lily road to success

2011-10-31T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am stumped.. I have learnt a couple of things which have made me think about alot of things..

Let me begin with housing. I guess the best thing to do is apply for the ones that just come in. And about the rest, think about it when money flows in like a waterfall.And yes, I haven't got a choice but to take the yishun one. Well, the good thing is at least it is at the edge of yishun tipping towards lentor..

Secondly, I have decided to totally forgo my brother from my life. Simply because he just means bad news, and has only ill intentions for me and my loved ones.. So let him incur my wrath and burn in hell for all i care. He's one sick piece of shit!

Thirdly, marriage has to wait because my darling hasn't finihsed him studying and I can ony imagine how horrid it would feel to be part of something when you haven't accomplished the major thing for yourself.. So I'll cut him some slack..

Thirdly this increment needs to speed up abit more. and by a larger fold.
I need to shop for christmas, simply because.. hahaha..

Fourthly, my b.day's ard the corner.. and my wishlist is building up.
wishlist for my silvery 25:
- b.day bash! (comeon I've lived a quarter century!! I need a birthday bash alr!)
- melissa shoes!!
- of course new clothes for my b.day bash!
- perfume, preferaby a flowery scent by ck, ferragamo, estee lauder or lancome..
- a nice bag that is suitably big but not too big to go out with..(will specify the details)
- I am gonna get another tiffany bracelet.. or maybe another brand...dunno yet..
oh well.. the list will continue.. but we'll hold it at that for now!!

learning

2011-09-29T05:40:00.000-07:00

Lifelong learning.. I understood the meaning when I met Vincent.. My student who is diagnosed with asperger. Sometimes I can identify so much with him to the point where I am somewhat convinced that I might have asperger too.. But of course that is bullshit.. Asperger is a subset of utism. Only difference is that there are extremely intelligent. Imagine if a primary one boy is able to look at a multiplication sentence and reverse and rewrite it into a division sentence all by himself.. It is extremely tiring and sometimes i just feel like banging my head into the wall.. However, most of the times he is extremely adorable.. Except for when we have meltdowns in class. It breaks my heart to see him victimise himself and cry.. And today was one major meltdown. Usually I have my hp on standby so that i can buzz the allied educator to come to my class.. ( ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN A P1 CLASS BECAUSE EVERYONE TENDS TO BE A K-POH!) hOWEVER THE AED had gone on a week's leave.. So I had to calm myself down.. Manipulate the other kids into doing the a fun worksheet and attend to Vincent whilst listening to Vincent wail at the top of his voice. Did I mention?

Today was the first day of PSLE..

My darling vincent had to be reassured. And because he need reasons and he goes on and on asking the same thing.. I wrote him a letter and asked him to read with me while i wrote it. And so it did.. At times he would think of the worst and breakdown again.. But i would immediately snap him out of it and move on to the next thing. Thank god.

It is a learning process for the both of us. I learn patience and he learns social skills or at least he is exposed to it. Step by step.

It isn't just vincent who has affected my life it the whole lot of students I teach. Some cry, some laugh, some are nice and some are rude. After a day's work and saving these kids from leading an illiterate life all i want to do is nothing. I want to go home and not worry about anything.. I want to be alone.

Just yesterday, I realise that my life is filled with many people. But I only hold a few close to me.. My immediate family, my boyfriend's family and a few of my friends. And I realise how much of a lonely life I had led to enjoy it.

I think now that I know the path I am headed towards.. The only thing left to do is to execute it well.. As for all other things, I will hold it constant. Ceteris paribus.

Relationships stagnated. Because I don't intend to give my 100% at it anymore.. I hope it doesn't depreciate to an extent to which it is irrecoverable.

On the flip side, I am a happy person still with a positive attitude.Could be healthier still working on it. And most importantly I know the purpose of my life. Not to get married and start a family, not to earn a shit load of cash and get a fancy car and live in a condo.. But to help others who are in need of my help. And I promise you I will fulfil that.

overwhelmed

2011-09-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

As we grow older, we realise that we have more freedom. However, with this comes responsibility. Which is often ignored or forgotten about.

As I grow older, I find myself doing things that I told myself that i would never do.. Things that made me wonder how dumb and not disciplined pple cld be to being all those things..

For instance, I drink beer now.. I used to be disgusted at the sight of women drinking beer, or drinking for the matter of fact.. But now I drink beer. And i actually like it.. I think it's cool and cheap and light and at times even tastes nice. DUMB RIGHT! But I do it anyways..The worst part is that I don't even exercise on a regular basis.. I run maybe twice a week and then start again 2 weeks later.. That is terrible for me, my weight, my body and my soul..

But the question is how did I change into this person? Is it the company I am with? Most likely.. But moer importantly I have always learnt and known the fact is I AND ONLY I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL MY LIFE.. I drank because I allowed myself to.. And the only road to redemption is to be discipline..

Another thing I feel as i grow older. I feel more selfish, and i worry about things.. most importantly I worry about my parents.. I actually feel that I want to stay with them for the rest of my life.. Even though I am alone, I would rather do everything for them because I trust them the most and I know that it is worth it.. Rather than doing things for someone else who is just "no-words to describe such a person". I haven't gotten that trust, I worry my ass of and it's very overwhelming. I don't wanna leave I don't wanna spend my money on you.. I don't want to do anything for you.. Because I don't know.. I am just waiting for a sign of relief, comfort, assurance that you can do the job come wad may.. you will be the best you can.. But I haven't and it really sucks..I need someone to take care of me.. It's not that I can't take care of myself.. I can take care of myself, but if that's the case then I don't need you.. It's tat simple.

If you can take care of me. Then i WILL DEFINITELY TAKE CARE OF YOU.. But you can't, you dunno how to and you want me to wait an entire lifetime to find out that one day it will happen..

I am at wits end! I want to have my space and take my time and it's either i psycho myself into this or I wait for a miracle..

since you make me wait .. This time you can wait..

work life

2011-08-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

Working life has been enjoyable and pretty routine. Everyday I only get to know whats in stored 5 mins b4 i start class. Maybe they want me to be excited in the morning. My colleagues are nice and helpful. However there isn't a very strong camaraderie amongst them. There is no school spirit or we stand together and those things. The culture is a little anti-social but I'm not complaining.

I'd probably get a heavier work load once the last term kicks off. So I am looking forward to it.. And also my first pay cheque!! Cha Ching! Still trying to get used to the wroking hours as I have to get ready very early in the morning. my day usually consists of working from 8-4pm or on weds 8-5.30 with either 2-3 half an hour breaks. So yes tiring and trying to get used to the routine.

On the bright side, the holidays just keept flowing in.. next week's election off on mon, tues is hari raya, wed skool, thurs, teacher's day celebrations, fri is teacher's day and then the followign week is september holidays!!! wooohooo...but i must go back school... booooooo...

divorce

2011-08-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right.. I'm divorcing a friend.. Because I don't think I deserve to take all the attitude from her. Because I think she has changed into a snob and I can't comprehend her moods and feelings.. Because she is so blinded by god knows what that when I actually tell her and ask her why, I've crossed the line. And so, I realise sometimes you have to let go if you cant deal with it.. It is sad but, you have made it clear that it is impossible for u to undestand. So I'm just not gonna be bothered.. I find it rather childish.. But what to do.. People change and the older you get, the more you withdraw, because your expectation changes, you are independent, you meet others who supercede the role as a friend and finally your friend would have gone through the exact same things...

So AFTER MY SEPERATION, I WILL GO THROUGH WITH THE DIVORCE...

a new dawn breaks

2011-08-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

It has bee 2 weeks since work started.. Not too bad for starters. Although, they have thrown me into the deep end of the pool.. Thank god I could swim. I have learnt how to be extra patient and empathatic. And I am glad that I have been using that skill to everyone around me as well..

Normally when I bicker and I don't get the final note or if I'm left hanging in fury, I will pursue the matter.. However, nowadays, I just walk away. Or talk about it the next day...oh well...

I feel like baking but I feel extremely lazy.. There are so many weird things on my mind and so many interruptions.. So i shall do a proper post in due course..

these past four years

2011-07-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

These past four years.. Has been an emotional rollercoaster.. And the following post I'm about to write might or might not be a result of my crazy hormones.. Well at least or at the most it's an exagerated truth..

Alot has happened in the past four years.. Well, the good part is I'm met alot of people and made many new frens.. Some who will definitely stick with me life long and others who I've learnt many lessons of life from.. Some who helped me so much with no expectations in return... And some plain ignorant...

I've gotten a job.. It may not be my dream job (thats cos i dunno what my dream job is) but its certainly is a well paying job.. And getting one is hard enough these days.. Especially with my arse luck.. There shld have been a celebration but no... There isnt..

I have also attained my BSc.(Hons) Chemistry with Biological Chemistry cert.. And yes.. There shld be a celebration.. But there isn't.. Simply because.. there isn't anyone to celebrate it with.. Just like most of my birthdays and many other important occasion pertaining to myself...

Yes it makes me very sad, and upset, and disappointed and envious.. it's makes me cry my eyes out..

But... i realise.. the last time i celebrated something was the year after my a's.. So I thank you; Yasmeen, Yani, Farna, Zaf, Jan, Sha for celebrating my b.days during M.I days..

I remember, how happy I was the first time I entered NTU.. I was filled with pride.. I had done it.. I wanted it so bad.. And I had gotten it.. The 3 years in M.I.. Was the strongest I have ever felt in my life.. I felt so powerful and fantastic.. I could rule the world.. But after I had entered uni.. It all became stagnant... Yes.. I did not give it my best.. I did not study as hard as I should have.. Because I became content with the things around me.. It's very disappointing.. It's not ok.. It's unacceptable.. Because.. I am much more capable.. I don't feel immense happiness or joy or the need to even celebrate.. Because I don't deserve it.. I made it.. no... I shld have nailed it..

Like they say.. If you don't go down.. You'd nv know the sweet taste of being on top..

Money and fame and status and people.. make the world go blind..

I'm moving into the next phase of my life.. And here I am.. to make a pact to myself.. to upkeep discipline.. I have to run and train twice a wk..and to do everything in my power.. To be the best I can.. and to achieve.. high standards for myself..And nothing and noone can stop me.. THIS TIME I AM NO1. PRIORITY for myself..

Secondly.. men are idiots.. Yes.. they are.. They communicate like shit.. Even after you have given them in your face instructions... They fail.. So if they can't make the decision you make it.. I am so not looking forward to that phase of life.. It literally feels like I'm digging my own grave..

So anyways.. the pact is made.. and i guess.. since I'm earning now.. How about I seal the deal.. with a ........................................hehehehe

oh wells

2011-07-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

i have to accept that thats the way things will be!! they is no such thing as trying.. it's either i take it or leave it.. And i guess i have to take it.. But with a mth just away... I'm afraid for the decision I will be making.. I don't know if its the right one.. I don't know whether it would be a pleasant journey.. I can see myself doing alot on my part.. Initiative, commonsense, romance, celebration, encouragement and acknowlegdements are absent.. So I have to find a way to replace all of those.. how to replace romance?

I just hope it eventually doesn't become chore.. Oh well.. If I could only be like you.. IGNORANT AND OBLIVIOUS AND NOT WORRIED..

I'M GLAD FOR BATAM.. that way i won't have to worry abt u ruining my last wkend.. see i've alr found a replacement..

it's time i stopped all these disappointments..

Alot of preps and events.

2011-07-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

Well its the last two wks of my hols and i mean i have been occupied with tuitions.. events.. and many other stuffs.. i have a race to run this sun.. and i have an engagement to attend on sat and i have grad phototaking and celebrations on sun afternoon and evening.. CAN'T WAIT!! hahah.. and next week would be grad.. Finally here!!! Got what I worked so hard for!! And it won't stop here.. Someday I'll finish up my post grad and won't stop until my name is Dr. Sangeetha..

Met up with my girls from Marymount convent.. It was awesome reminiscing old times and teachers who we wanted to give a black rose to and eventually found out that a black rose is priceless.. haha.. pity pam pam cldn't be there.. Fret not!! We'll have a 2nd gathering...

on a lighter note.. I seem to be getting too opiniated.. but thats fine with me.. however I have started to express how i feel outwardly and that is not a very clever thing to do becos often times it ends in the ditches.. So it's time for me to shut up!!

There is a reason why people say, help is only rendered when it is asked.. Becos that is when they are most apprciative as they are aware and acknowledge the help that is being offered to them.

Spoke to my fren abt her chiang mai trip.. Extremely interested in joining her to teach in the school in Chiang Mai.. It's awesome.. And its a definite must do in my list... My dream... or at least one of it might finally come true.. and that is just awesome..

can't wait can't wait!!! can't wait for my little batam trip as well.. hahahaha.. yay!!!

holly molly

2011-07-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

And it's back to Singapore from phuket. I really enjoyed phuket.. And yes I'm making it my honeymoon destination. I'm not much of a tourist rather I prefer to be a traveller. I enjoy experiencing the people and the culture and everything tat makes up the country. And in the four days, I really enjoyed myself. From Fantasea, which was magical and just amazing to elephant trekking which could have been longer, but I'm not complaining because kintara(the elephant) was a doll. so cute and lovely. All i could think of while ridingon her is about ganesha (my elephant god).

The Phi Phi Island tour was so-so. I found it overly commercialised and not that wonderful. I enjoy secluded beaches with all my loved ones.. Oh and the Aussies and ohter whites were extremely rude. They kept speaking to the locals like they were their masters!! Horrid. Since it was the election period when we arrived the whole Bangla street( the night life with ping pong shows, trannies, and skimply dressed call girls) was dead. But on our 3rd night, it was fun fun fun!! We went bar hopping, had jager bombs, and beers (San Miguel Light is awesome) and beer is super cheap.. like 60 Baht which about $2.15.. And we shopped and shopped. Amidst all this craziness.. As we sat by the bar and people watched, I just would think to myself, isn't there any way out for these girls working here. I constantly felt like going up to the bar top dancers and telling them that I could help them. They don't need this life. But could I? No. Because, they loved this life. Or at least most of them. And it's sad. The kids on the road selling the other stuff will one day end up like them. And it's heart breaking. I even teared at one point. But thank god for the awesome band that were playing really good music, I flipped on back to dance mode in just seconds. The girls dancing asked me to join them.. But i was too shy.. Navin and I would joke about how we could screw everything our jobs after a year of working.. save up.. Buy house there.. Buy an elephant which only cost 1 million baht which is $4000. And settle down. And be a dancer that the club and he said he'll be the bouncer so that the guys don't get too close to me.. hahaha.. It's hilarious.. But it's phuket after all..

You see men hooking up with random girls for a good time.. You see young punks getting drunk and vomitting every where. You see girls in group out for a grad trip. You see old european couples enjoying each other's company soaking up the sun. You see arab women full clad in a black hijab and robe cover from head to toe with only their eyes revealled walking side by side with their husband who will be in his berms and singlet!! You see indian families of course with their strollers at indian food joints even in phuket! And amidst all these, there were two.. Head over heels in love again, enjoying each others company, watch movies and partying till morning, eating barbequed corn with salt by the beach, midnight crepes with nutella, banana and condensed milk.. getting chased out of the bar.. haha..insults from a trannie.. stuck with a rowdy bunch of 6 drunk indian malaysians, getting recognised by the shop owners by the end of our trip and waving to strangers while welcomed back home by his dad!! haha..

Awesome... So thank you Navin for the wonderful four days..

Now WHO WANTS TO GO CHIANG MAI WITH ME NEXT!!!

of wonderful friends

2011-06-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

I think I know where I've placed my mermories, my feelings, my treasures.. Little nuggets of happiness, sadness, laughter, tears, anger. I found it and I have organised it. And the keys to them, are all the lovely bones around me.

Monday dinner was awesome, of friends who would keep weaving in and out of my life. But who stayed together sharing the closest memories that nothing could replace when it was time for the needle to make that stitch again.

I guess I have realised. I have experienced what patience is and I crave for more of it. Because it is the one and only thing that balances my life. So help me god...

Had lunch with the boss today. Purely fun and no work talk. It was nice, and refreshing to see the other side of her. I finally realised where I'm set off to. What more can I offer and how can I do it. Of course Things may change along the course. But I know I'd do just fine with the right people around me. God bless my family and Friends.

Off to Phuket on Sat!! Woot Woot!!

On a side note: Lovely bones is the movie to watch before I die. Because like the wise words of Susie Salmon" These were the lovely Bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone."

"And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it."

IF I COULD FEEL THAT WAY AND LEFT WITH MY LAST BREATHE MY LIFE WOULD BE COMPLETE.

last day

2011-06-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

And after 5 months of waking up early, overtimes, eating overpriced tasteless food and surviving in a hazardous envt, my last day of industrial attachment is finally here. Firstly, It was definitely a good learning experience. I really have awesome colleagues that I work with and not forgetting an amazing and wonderful chemist that really is passionate and honest in her work. Plus I got to learn so much in detail. Testing was just a small part, but from other major things and how the business works.. However, the place is just too far and it wouldnt be as nice as if i stayed on.

So here it is.. I officially end NTU right here. Who'd have thought this girl, would make to the Uni, let alone get a honours degree in chemistry! I remember during my A'level days, how badly I wanted to get into Uni. How badly I wanted it.. And the first time when I entered the campus, I was so proud of myself for finally accomplishing something in my life!! And shortly after, studying like a mad freak (could have sudied abit more though) I manage to pull through failing zero modules in this four years and now I've obtained a degree!! It's amazing.

I'm proud of myself. I was so busy pleasing everyone else that I forgot who I did this for. Myself. And it certainly is a reiteration of the fact that I have the ability to do anything and everything I want. What my passion lies in I will definitely get there. Slow and steady. And I'll win the race.

Woot Woot!! TO THE NEXT PHASE IN LIFE!!

liar liar pants on fire!!

2011-06-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

I absolutely hate it, when people lie to me straight to my face!!! I detest it. I am not stupid. I can definitely tell when a person is telling the truth or not. Sometimes its those lies that I can forgive like times when I lie in order not to hurt other's feelings. BUT NOT OTHERWISE!!!

I don't know why my family lies to me when it comes to kermit and his bitch!! Or maybe I know.. Maybe its because they don't want to choose between their children. Or maybe its because my sister wants to be close to her brother and sister-in-law (who btw is the biggest(literally) conniving bitch in the world).

But just tell the truth to me.. Don't make a fool out of me!! It's dumb. IF YOU WANT TO RIGHT OF ALL YOUR ASSETS TO THAT BASTARD go ahead. IF MY SISTER WANTS TO GO AND BE PALLY PALLY GO AHEAD!! BUT DON'T HIDE IT FROM ME!! DON'T LIVE TWO LIVES IN FRONT OF ME!!

I can't stand it. My colleague Jumi, (who is an exact replica of FARNA) which is always a good thing, was telling me that parents always dote on the child that causes them the most misery in their life. And ignore the other, because they know that the other will always be there for them. Its so sickening..Arrr....

I actually can't stand the fact that my sister is back.. It's a brat came in casues a whirlwind, constantly upsetting and angering my mom, being an ungrateful brat cause my parents pay everything for her!! complaining about this and that!! And who gets the curses, ME!! WHAT DOES MY MOTHER TELL ME AND ASK ME!! why are u all so ungrateful! blah blah blah.. all in plural!!

And what does that brat do instigate even more..

being the only child is so much nicer, so much cost friendly, so much peaceful, no siblings, not much noise in the house, i loved it!!

unfortunately it is short lived. SO NAVIN... MARRY ME AND GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!

2011-06-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

Can't wait! Can't wait!!!

overseas

2011-06-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have and always loved travelling.. Can't wait to do my next expedition.. hopeful with the right ppl.. I guess it will happen when it happens.. I guess after work starts.. I will be earning.. and yes i know i have to save.. but i can also travel.. So maybe to south america, sydney or back to india with my beloved since he hasnt gone there or my well waited chiang mai trip!! if i can find a travel buddy!!! who wants to go have a solid fun filled adventure in CHIANG MAI!!

Speaking of work. I got a huge job offer.. With big promises.. Its firstly nice when your boss sees your dedication and passion towards the work.. I guess it helps if you're cordial and friendly and most importantly dynamic.. If the whole office knows who you are.. I guess you've nailed it.. and therefore get job offers.. However, it's a big big risk to take and I guess i have a good year to think about it..

Two more weeks before IA finishes. Then its off to batam and phuket!!! woot woot.. Not really looking forward to phuket.. But oh well just going for the food and the shopping... BUT BATAM! I have a good feeling that we're gonna have a wild time.. haha.. hopefully gina doesnt do anything crazy.. haha..Definitely not hangover 2 or 1.. but maybe an extremely subtle version of it.. haha..

it's the GSS.. but i go no money.. sighs.. although i spent over a hundred bucks on formal wear at G2000.. i want that dress from little match girl and i want so many other stuff.. like jeans and cardigans and shoes and tops..

Then i want to go JB.. to shop and eat.. haha..

an EASY A

2011-06-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through all the modules that I manage to clinge an A+ for in my uni years.. obviously not my coremods.. but those easy A's were things I shared a fierce passion for and was already good at.. Like singing and language.. I love spanish.. I pick up extremely fast because I'm in love with every aspect of their culture and their food and of course their language.. But although i'm agst SAN FERMIN.. Anyhow I think I should make an effort to continue classes in spanish.. Maybe when I have my finances settled.. Or maybe when i have a child because I find it absolutely wonderful if i have someone i could speak spanish with for the rest of my life. And who knows maybe she or he might love it as much as i do.. If not it's a skill...

And as for singing.. I should take up classical singing but for what? For my passion.. It really calms me down.. When i'm super bored or pissed or angry.. I go to youtube and sing all their karaoke out loud.. and there is peace.. So y do something that YOU MAYBE GD AT.. when you can do other things that you're perfectly excellent at!!

On a side note.. I found this beautiful.. the sequence of the partial solar eclipse in Norway..

oh dear...

2011-06-02T19:49:00.001-07:00

oh dear.. There's jus so many things to do with so little time and money! My IA bosses are refusing to let me quit.. They are pleading wit me to work on for a mth b4 i start my new career..which i'm pretty excited abt! Becos i like it!

N more than anything i need a break.. A break to jus slack and do nothing until i dun wanna do nothing anymore! So batam wit the girls and next to phuket.. Planning to save up and fly away to either south america or back to my chiang mai! I
have to do my mahout course and all the activities! But cant seem to find the right kaki.. Maybe trina or crys.. Lets see...

Its been a while since i baked and i would love to but waiting for my hse to be done up properly..nehow my future in-laws have asked me to conduct a bake fest with the ladies.. Pretty excited.. Haha..

Life has been in a better place recently.. I feel like i finally have something to hold on to. I could be a abit more healthier though... I feel that i'm a step closer to achieving my dreams.. My dream of studying further and saving abit of the world..so happy days it shall be..

have to do my mahout course and a

when You have no support

2011-05-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

When you have no support what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO!!!

When your own creator makes jokes about your face.. moves away from you and calls you moon face as if my acne was some kind of disease that would touch her face... what do you do?

I tell you what i do.. i walk to the toilet and cry my heart out while turning on the water to fill an empty pail...

I know it wouldn't make sense to alot of people and alot maybe disagree.. but I would be better off dead than alive.. I find no purpose to live.. I feel like this is it.. I feel that the people who care about me, my well wishers will jus do fine even without me.. Because they have otehrs surrounding them.. I feel like my time is up and I need to go but I can't... Obviously with the arse luck that i have.. I will be the sponge to absorb all the negativity around me.. CAN I JUST BOOK A TICKET A ONE WAY TICKET AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY! NO.. because i don't have the money...

It's been long a time since i prayed..

WHERE is my angel? Isn't there suppose to be one who just carries you away from all these... Isn't there? So where is it? I am WAITING...

At times I feel like i'm Bi-polar.. Can someone become bi-polar halfway through their life? How is that possible.. is it because their brain lacks something.. can i eat that something so i won;t become bi-polar.. I am desperately trying to get out of this.. I don't know where to go for help...

at the end of the day.. I hope I'm not crazy.. Or mentally unstable.. Of course I'm not gonna inflict pain on myself.. Like there isn't enought sorrow to kill any living creature that came near me.. Or perhaps that's why my creator looked at me in disgust.. becasue of my bad bad bad energy..

SO help me god.. I will pray today.. That you don't die and keep me mentally sound and at peace or otherwise...

Head held high

2011-05-07T06:52:00.001-07:00

I have been feeling weak and burdened lately.. I feel like my legs are glued to the ground and I can't break free. I feel like I've been fighting only to become weaker.. I keep falling sick.. My face still looks like crap.. It doesnt help when I have no support and my mom keeps callingmy acne potatoes.. and stopped me frm eating chocolate but keeps askingmy sister to buy all the chocs from sydney..

my medication is detrimental to my health.. it is absolutely heaty.. My body feels like it's on flames all the times.. it dries up my throat lips and eyes severely.. which has led to cracked lips.. like when i smile it cracks and bleeds..my eyes are so dry that it has somehow led to itchness and of course i have to rub and it gets red and gunk comes out and today i have bacterial conjunctivis..

Amidst all this I have a very unsupportive bf.. Who the moment I have some kind of problems whether health related or emotional, also seems to get the same... maybe it's my arse luck.. I mean once in a while.. JUST MAYBE ONCE TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT I SAID MIGHT HELP.. yes.. I have never met anyone who forgets everything.. no exageration.. You have no idea what I like or what will make me happy.. and so when i tell you or do it myself let me! BUT NO.. you will make me undo what i did and eventually do it urself slipshot and in the end I HAVE TO FUCKING PAY THE PRICE!! I mean come on.. Who the hell brings a person for a marriott hotel buffet when they are having diarrhea! like after eating anything immediately runs to the toilet.. and reason for pursuing it is I MADE RESERVATIONS.. and despite my violent objections, I had to then pick another place because somepple can't think for themselves and don't know what might be gd for a sick person.. So I just sucked it all in and went ahead tot he buffet which wasnt worth it and made a mad dash to the toilet.. and it happened on my birthday!
so downhill it goes..

I feel like crap.. I desperately need to break free.. I need to come to terms with my new "career" come 1st aug.. I need to think through it.. But how to.. I don't know but i'm sure I'll find a way..
maybe seperation.. maybe migrations... maybe travelling..

This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go.

So to a new life in June!

omg

2011-04-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

I just had to!! I remembered once I saw Kate Middleton's dress that I once upon in my life saw a dress similar and saved the picture for my future reference.. So I found the thumb drive and omg!!!!here's it.. but not as nice as her's la...

Unfortunately Now there are many reasons I can't wear this dress.. Firstly.. I'm not getting married anytime soon.. Because I have no money. Secondly, I am too short to be wearing such a cut.. Thirdly.. Because i am not tall, the 3/4 sleeves will make me look auntified!! And last but not least.. All the idiot indiano aunties and relatives will say tat i'm trying to act royalty!!

But maybe something similar I really lke the lace.. and i hate the tube wedding gowns.. But i have a long way to think through it.. neways the above dress is going for only $999..

oh well..

2011-04-15T00:45:00.000-07:00

You are not, unfortunately, what you think yourself to be. You think you are efficient and strict; others consider you to be a kind father; others may consider you as weak and bad tempered. You count yourself to be a kind mother; others say that you are spoiling your son. You imagine that you are a great Romeo to your neighbour’s sister; she takes you to be a lunatic or a rowdy.

Thus, what you estimate yourself to be and what others judge of you from your own actions are poles apart from each other. Your so-called estimate of yourself is but your intellectual belief in some ideal picture of yourself; but in your dealing with the world outside you are acting just the opposite and the only one who is totally unconscious of the ugliness is yourself. We have thus, in each one of us, a double personality playing in us at all times: one, a personality which we believe in and another with which we act out. Roughly, we can attribute the former to our “Intellectual Entity” and the latter to our “Physical Person”. Educated as we are, as a product of our study of, appreciation for and admiration to some of the perfect qualities, both moral and ethical, in other great men, we have a vague picture of the Ideal that we wish to be. This picture of the ideal, when entertained for long in ourselves, becomes so clearly impressed in ourselves that we come to believe that we are the ideal that we cherish. But alas! Others suffer and groan under the persecutions of what we actually are in our life.

Our Self-enfoldment, our growth in ourselves, our personality charm can burst forth in all its fragrance and joy into full bloom only when we plan for and bring about an actual translation of our idealism into our day-to-day life. We must live what we believe in. We must act upon our own cherished ideas. We must strive to live our accepted philosophy of life. Or else, we will probably inviting not only our own destruction but a host of sorrows to a million others around us. As seekers and sincere aspirants to a higher cultural life you all must learn to translate your ideal picture of yourself in your own work-a-day life. This is only ·possible through regular and sincere self-examination and long and careful introspection. Each day see the drama of your own day's life thrown upon the screen of; your own mind and watch. Edit the play; take new decisions; discover the faults; avoid them in your next 24-hours' life. Thus, one by one, weed out your weaknesses in your physical contacts and dealings, in your mental feelings and emotions, and in your intellectual estimations of things and beings.

An idler alone is satisfied by window shopping. Instead of gazing…walk out into the world. Sweat and toil. Earn and save. Be rich with the fruits of your own honest labour. Return to the shop; push, open the door, and walk in. Order the thing of your fascination. Approach the counter and come to possess it as your own.

In the same manner, never allow to feel satisfied by recognising glories in somebody's life story; be it a Mahatma; some saints or some noble souls; never sit back only to gaze at them and in futile wonderment, merely come to believe in them, but feel the urge to cultivate such a noble and divine personality in yourself.

Be aggressively good. Strive hard and develop these traits and come to live and express it in the world. What they did, we too can do. There is nothing, we cannot achieve. There is nothing impossible to a determined, sincere and industrious man of right judgment. Spare not yourself until you climb to the peak. Leave the valleys for others -- the lesser ones – who are satisfied by the thrill of their crowded stink and mutual conflicts.

An Abstract by Swami Chinamayananda 's "As I think"

Unfortunately I am a victim of intellectual entity vs physical person. I want to become my intellectual entity but I am not. I am constantly blaming everything else and worse becoming just like my mother. But I consider myself someone capable of perfection.. However, that won't be true because noone is perfect. I want to acheive something great, something big, something exciting. I want to be recognised. I want I want I want.. Maybe I should start by editing all my days, from today. Maybe then the wants will stop. Maybe then it will be easier to accept whatever that comes my way. Maybe I should allow others to love me instead.....

Because there are feel good moments..

2011-04-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

I decided to write this post because after watching "Mrs Washington goes to smith" i had a feel good moment. I sat at my dusty untuned piano (which i can't tune because my tuner passed away 2 yrs ago) and played one of the pieces i used to love hearing in my discman until the cd was scratched; Frederic Chopin's nocturne Op.9 No.2. And there its was the calmness the peace and serenity and that feel good moment where all the othe best feelings come to you.

Like how after a solid training or a fantastic game that you won for school, you shower and get ready to celebrate with a yummy dinner with your teammates and there will be the one high school crush waiting for you at the gate. The happiness and joy you are filled with at that moment, no school kid could ever care about exams.. That huge smile on that cutie's face. my gosh.. gd times man..

or like how after a whole day spent in a awfully cold temperature and you rush back home, take off your clothes step into the bathtub filled with hot hot water and a scented candle lit and you relax.. or if you are a peasant like me, you jus stand under the hot running shower.. ( some of yu may say that is not peasant like. i say ok but i spent most of my childhood years waiting fo the kettle to boil hot water for me to bath.. yeah i noe right)

or like how you crave for a certain food and that first bite into that delectable yummy consumption... mmmmmmmmmmmm... your ears will start to itch....

Many feel good moments like that and once in a while.. You should go get your feel good moment because it doesnt just satisfy, it does more than that.. and i'm gonna leave you with one feel great picture...

halfway thru monday

2011-04-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm halfway through monday.. Another perhaps, 4 more hours to go before meeting the fantabulous uni friends, although a couple missing one is the "ditcher", the other is in china cos she is a crazy traveller, and the last one is vegetarian.. so difficult.. But they are the best. and with out them during my four years of uni.. I'd be so god damn miserable.. There was another, but her rudeness got the better of her in the end i guess.. as she always says like its the most logical explaination for her rude behaviour" I'M LIKE THAT!!". Oh well, I had the best study buddies and friends who made lectures less painful, tutorials easier and tests and exams do-able.

I guess I am slowly regaining my balance because god had bless me with the best teachers during my A'level years. They are not just my teachers, they are my confidant, and motivation and inspiration. Yes, Mr Chua, my track coach is the reason for me to be patient and move slow and steady upwards. He gave me a gift that I could use throughout my life. Running. It teaches me so much. It clears my mind, it is my outlet, it keeps me super fit and intact, it makes stronger, it makes me a better person. If i stop this practise, I will revert to my old ways and it will devour and destroy me. So sometimes, a little reminder from Mr Chua, saves my life. Then there is Ms Ng Kian Hoon, my geography teacher. She is naggy, and draggy, and old. But apart from all that they is something brilliant about her. Even though she is alone, she has taken so much and she is a fantastic one to one teacher who pushes you, tells you exactly what others are looking for from you and what you are not giving then and why you aren't giving them. Yes, yes, I remember being called her pet because I bothered to help her when nobody did! I am glad i did not subject myself to peer pressure because I developed a bond with her. She inspired me so much to go that extra mile to teach so that others can learn.

So you know how you set out with a plan and that plan is reduced to an extent it is so ridiclous but it's not your fault. Yeap, That's what happned recently while applying for my job. And it made me go crazy (as you would have read in my previous post), depression, anxious, unhappiness, failure, waste, unfortunate and moreover angry and infuriated at my state and everyone around who couldn't comprehend. I hated to keep repeating myself, the situation and what exactly was going on. So I made that call to Ms Ng. And had a chat with her, despite her horrid flu and that she was on her way to class (she's a lecturer now in NIE) she spoke to me why standing outside her class. Haha.. I needed to know Why?, When? How?. And so she made me answer all these questions, gave me my options and told me to be positive and reminded me to look at the bigger picture. What I ultimately want ahs not gone out of my hands, it maybe slower, but it may also be better, Experience is afterall the greatest teacher. So thank god for that.

Amidst these, I have been planning an event for my sunday class with the Youth Wing. And I cldn't focus. This was a new group with great dynamics and commitment and very open to ideas. I enjoyed working with them. and eventually I resorted to letting them know what was going on. And one of the guys turned to me and told me, "Don't ever think you are some failed product or anything like that. You are knowledgable and brilliant. He said everyone of us sitting here look happy and settle but let me tell you this we all have broken dreams." And he shared with me what was going on in his life and how he ended up where he currently is. He put things into perspective and I felt like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. God sent I say. And so I set out with a new change in lifestyle and perspective. Until, I went to the IT show and spent all my grad trip savings on a massage chair for my parents to enjoy.. HAHAHA... I literally feel like a saint. Magnanimous yet like a pauper. hahaha.. ( ok not really like a saint)

private and personal

2011-03-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

So recently I got so fed up with myself... the wait is torturous.. And alot of emotions ran wild.. Let me perhaps start with the biggest lesson I learnt: DO NOT RECOMMEND A JOB TO OTHERS.. Well, firstly the person may have another side to them, so you can't really know what their up to or what is going on in their heads. They maybe picky, choosy, lazy and so much more you never knew. Well the moment they quit and especially within 5 days of recommendation, speaks volume about them. Anyhow the lesson to learn here is DON'T NEED TO KAY-POH!! So what really happened, I recommended this person(A) for a job in all good intentions. And the person too was very interested with this job and A is well aware of the job scope and everything possible about the job. So A got the job and proceed to start work. Keep in mind that I recommended this person and told my boss that this person would be perfect because A is here to stay for at least 2 years. So boss was extremely happy and hired A! Then everything was going smoothly until FRIDAY! The day my professor was coming to my lab to assess me. Yes I'm doing my industrial attachment currently. So I went about doing my work as usual that day and A had jus started training. Once it was lunchtime A and myself went for lunch and A spoke to me about how rude the trainer had been and how A was super duper offended and jus as i was about to open my mouth to tell A" don't worry, initially it will be like that but things will get better", A spoke up and said" I'M QUITTING." I was like WHAT! AND I EXPLAINED THE CONSEQUENCES A HAD TO FACE. And when I asked A what was A going to do for a living the answer was," that will be settled most probably I have gotten another job" I was like wad. Then A was attending to a phone call and I called my beloved to complain because I felt like crap! I even went to the loo because of how nervous I felt and in another 40 mins my prof was coming. And then I saw my boss walking towards me and those ords came out from her mouth " A's quitting ah, could you please go and talk to A." I FELT LIKE SOMEBODY THREW COWDUNG ON MY FACE! so embarassed! so afraid! so disappointed and cheated! So i walked straight up to A who couldn't care less and told him MY GOD DAMNED SITUATION AND WALKED OFF to find my boss who i owed and apology to. thank god my boss was extremely professional about it. I guess being of such educational background makes a difference after all. Oh and my two bosses were extremely nice and kids to me and told me this is part of your learning process. You need to know how capable people are but you can't always see through them. For that you need experience, and for starters I don't think this was that bad afterall. Prof was amazing, and cute so that went well. But I'm just mad! What do you think you signed up for? Summer camp? Where you can call your dad on the hp and check whether He's got your back! WTH!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH So anyhow, I hate waiting for a reply. It's been 2weeks plus since and no reply yet.. everyone is telling me to be patient and wait. But how long more! And this grad trip is such a big thing for me but unfortunately it is only important to me. And my acne.. Ok as some of you may or may not know I have acne, adult acne and not jus the normal kind but SEVERE ADULT ACNE. It was under control for sometime until i started lab. then it all came back. I mean those who were close didn't say much but unti one day it became the pantry talk. My god. they were giving me all kinds of advice. First of all, I'm very touched by their concern, but These are not the normal pimple where i can put tooth paste or oxy and the nexy morning it's gone. these are nodules (miniature cysts, like lumps which are hard and have no pus) I have about 17 of those. YES MY FACE IS IN BAD CONDITION. And the only way to stop it is to go to the doctor. And after much thought and agitation , that's exactly what I did. I had so much of reservation, Because I have been on the treatment before and I know what I will go through, firstly I have oral medication which is not so bad until it has side effects: I take anitbiotics as well as roaccutane which is very effective but very harmful at the same time. Within 4 days of taking this medication my nodules all cleared up but i am now left with scars. However this medication is suppose to be aken for a month. Accutane is taken every other day because it poisons the placenta, so I am not allowed to conceive during this point of time as it will cause sever deformities to the baby. Accutane can also cause side effects such as depression, hair loss, dry lips and throat and many others. thank god i have only depression.. But since is only for a month I'm currently leading the life of a hermit. I hate having to do this. But i mean it got to the point where even when i was seated at the clinic it was a hot topic because i reminded ppl of acne!! the malay girls beside me were talking in malay (which is fortunately or unfortunately a language i undrstand pretty well) speaking of how bad my skin was and how one of her friend's came to that very clinic to get treatments and it worked wonders! YES WOMAN I' WAITING FOR THAT WONDER! So yeah.. And all this worrying is not doing me any good... Navin has been awesome. It's amazing how the other half always knows that you're not in good spirits and makes you feel better by doing something nice like bringing you some where relaxing. Or giving you a 45min long massage when he knows that you're shoulder has been aching like crazy for weeks to come. Or jus putting that huge smile on your face! It's nice. I can always tell him what i want to tell him and he would listen and know how to make me feel better. Sometimes you need to have that push. In all relationships, always whether the woman may be a CEO of a big firm or a Principal of a school, the woman is still a woman and will still rey on her other half to give her that comfort or pampering or solace. And i'm very thankful that I've navin for that.

Willie Wonkie's Chocolate Factory

2011-03-21T23:40:00.000-07:00

I know many of you have heard of Willy Wonka's Chocolates. But, Willie Wonkie's Chocolate Factory?

The other day, I was at home flipping channels on my cable tv, until I came across Willie Wonkie's Chocolate factory on TLC. Being a chocolate enthusiast myself I had to watch it! And my goodness, It was fantastic!! FOR THE 1ST TIME IN MY LIFE, I could actualy see how the chocolate is being processed and made into fine bars. Willie is a very determined man. His dream of creating best quality chocolate bars from the finest cacao beans is facinating. I hate dark chocolate. But after watch his show I want to try his dark chocolate. Not because of how fancy it looks, but because He has convinced me! For about 2 years, living in the same house willie barely even had time for his family. It was a huge investment, with machines failing him and cacao beans being imported in from venezuela and 4 mouths to feed. This man was building a chocolate factory from scratch and his passion and drive is what that made me so amazed. Me narrating the story of his hardships won;t be as good as if you saw it for yourself, the pain he went through! I mean can you imagine after all those hard work you finally got a deal for 30 000 bars and you wrapping machine breaks down.. OMG.. it s a serious FML moment. He had 18 people working around the clock to meet the quota and finally send it through.

Not only does the programme show the extents Willie pushes himself to make his business successful, but he also shows people how his world class 100%cacao bars can be used. I mean 75% cacao chocolates are awfully bitter. Can you imagine 100%? But amazingly when you use it for cooking it makes even the simplest choc cakes DIVINE!!

I absolutely love it! He has 2 main products his 100% cacao bars(used mostly in cooking) and his dark chocolate bars (to be eaten IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT IS SO GOOD!)

Before I end, I just want to let you guys know that this awesome awesome product is available right here in singapore! You can get both types at dempsey hill, Jones the grocer. The Willies's delectable bars are going at a price of $11.90. But it's worth the try. It is sweet, smooth, has a fantastic chocolate smell and has a great snap to it! We have only one person to thank and that is Willie himself. That's right, the man behind all these magic..

5 things ever happy woman does..

2011-03-18T02:44:00.000-07:00

1. They find their most golden self.

Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.

"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

2. They design their lives to bring in joy.

It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."

Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.

Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.

3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.

If only I get a better job...find a man...lose the weight...life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.

The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.

The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).

4. They put best friends first.

It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.

5. They allow themselves to be happy.

As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.

"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.

Gabrielle Leblanc is a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.

Read the abouve article from oprah.com

i MUST SAY...

2011-03-09T17:37:00.000-08:00

I must say!

You know how when men do certain things and it really irks you. For example, when they pluck their damn facial hair in the bus!! omg.. Why, god, why?!? Or when they push you to get into the bus.. Is it just the Asian men that are like that? And I have to say this when they are dressed like crap! i'm sure everyone in a relationship has gone thru that one day where you in a nice dress and heels and he turns up in berms and t-shirt with his stupid shades!! perfect..like... at least put on a pair of jeans..

The same way when men do other positive things, it can turn you on.. And I'm not speaking sexually.. SO how to push the right buttons? Well, allow me to share with you a couple of things that are a really turn on for me..

1. A man who smells good
I personally don't like musky smells.. But i don't mind them on a man!! I love it.. if he smells like a million dollars.. even better.. Do you know that there are men walking ard smelling like vinegar and urine!! it's as though they have some genius plan of preserving themselves in their own sweat!! omg.. YUCKS.. so men.. get a damn perfume! GO MUSTAFA IF YOU HAVE TO..

2. A man who has a beautiful perfect smile and good breathe
Imagine a man with a great smile... Even if your day was crap, his smile gives you no option but to smile back! So its good to see men with great smile, they have some calming effect that i can't just explain. And of course good breathe.. good breathe doesn't mean his mouth smelling like flowers or chicken rice.. It means minty-fresh breathe.. Once i was in the bus, and this guy from a foreign land sat beside me. After about 5 mins, he received a call and answered it, ' HAAAALOW!" OMG! I almost passed out, i could have sworn it smelt like something died in there!! Gosh.. DARLIE AND COLGATE are excellent brands of toothpaste. And if you think that time is money and you can't spend it on brushing your pearliewhites (or in his case his gloomy yellows) then there is LISTERINE MOUTH WASH.. Please guys! USE IT! The world will be one step ahead of becoming a better place..

3. A man who can cook
I find it amazing when a guy shows interest in cooking. It not ony brings out his creativity but it shows me that he knows his food. I must say i have a few guys friends who cook and they are masterchefs. Once again there's something very warm and comforting in men who cook. They not only know how to fill your heart but they also fill your stomach.
Well if you can't cook, it's ok you can always stick with platters, get the yummiest of the cuisine you have choosen and just present it on a platter. For instance, if you are going for mexican cuisine, you can have nachos, with cheese, guacamole, salsa. And you can have tortilla and put out the various fillings in a bowl like re-fried beans, shredded oven baked turkey breast, minced beef, chopped tomatos, shredded cheddar cheese. And have tequila with lime or margaritas. ALL THE ABOVE CAN BE STORE BOUGHT from meat delis(cold storage or the marketplace) and you will have a wonderful dinner once in a while.

4. Men who love to back pack!
A man that can back pack is a man who knows how to have fun no matter what! They are usually fuss-free and like to go with the flow.. If they are adrenaline junkies that's a major bonus!
You know how there are men who are super tourists, need to stay in in their protective bubble and need extremely comfortable and the finest things.. sometimes to be that way it may seem alright but all the time then you'RE JUS A BABY! being a traveller is awesome.. and if you can have your man to share that with you it's even more fantastic!!

5. Men who like children (not to be taken in the wrong way)
This is usually labelled as cliche. BUT it is really nice to see men being like a kid with their kid or around other kids. Plus it shows of their fatherly instincts which is rare to come by..

6. Men who are neat
This is really important. I cannot stand seeing men with their untidy greasy hair.. and fringe! omg.. Are you a girl dammit? If not, then Why the hell the fringe! covering one eye somemore! omg..and nail!! MEN PLEASE KEEP THEM SHORT AND CLEAN.. ALL OF IT.. your pinkie is not an exception and don;t give lame reasons like the long pinky nail comes useful in hard to reach places! eeewww.. gross...SNIP THAT HORRID THING OFF! its not a tool you know..
And men please trim your moustache and beard.. these can be sexy if you keep it tidy and neat.. Not like a damn bush! so yes! A clean shaven man would be good with clean short nails and tidy hair.. not just good.. he would be appealing to the eyes!!!

7. Men who respect people
These are hard to come by nowadays.. So if you see one grab one! haha... If they know how to respect others I'm sure they will value you and your feelings. Men who are usually family oriented tend to be a bit more respectful then others. So it's fantastic and they usually listen more than give advice.. Even better

8. Men who speak proper english
If he can speak well then you can actually have a decent conversation with him.. And that is just perfect. If he has a deep voice even better.. you can bask in his sexiness. I love it!! haha..

So there you have it.. Some of the important things that men should do. so that they push the right buttons..

Doldrums..

2011-02-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

well you see.. in the past two weeks alot has happened..

my mom and sis left for sydney cos the littlest one is gonna study there for the next 3 yrs.. so mommy dearest left me and daddy back to settle littlest's uni stuffs.. so tat meant tat i was the domestic goddess over the past 2 wks.. so things that I learnt:

1. DON'T COMPLAIN TO OTHERS ABT HSEWORK WHEN YOUR NOT MARRIED... (BECAUSE THEY WILL LAUGH IT OVER AND SAY THAT IT'S GOOD TRAINING.)

erm.. training for what? married life? so after that are you going to get me a house and marry me off so that i can be a housewife? which is actually what i would love to do because i would love my husband so much that i want to get him not just a clean home but a palace to come back too.. fantastic dinners, massages, draw his baths give him the best.. but that's not gonna happen so yeah..

2. DON'T THROW IN YOUR PANTS WITHOUT CHECKING THE POCKETS INTO THE WASHING MACHINE.. you see i have sinus in the morning and during nights.. so i obviously stuff tissue paper in my pockets.. and god it was such a huge mistake not cleaning them out..p.s they were clean tissues cos i ran out of tissue packets..

Can you imagine coming home from work with a plan. After reaching home at 7.30pm, I decided to do the laundry, iron, sweep and mop the hse.. so while the laudry was put for washing i swept and mopped.. but as soon as i emptied the clean load into the pail.. it was snowing everywhere.. with bits of tissue..

so i swept again..

3. SEPERATE YOUR WHITES AND UNDIES FROM THE OTHER CLOTHES..

because.. ur undies need to be handwashed and ur whites need to be bleached and scrubbed and wash separately so that it will remain purely white... with no pink spots or grey stains..wired bras shld be handwashed so that they remain in the right shape..

4. WHEN COOKING REMEMBER TO CUT ALL YOUR VEGES IN ADVANCE SO THAT NOTHING GETS BURNT...AND START WITH A MEDIUM HIGH HEAT SO THAT YOU DON'T BURN UR GARLIC OR ONION...

5. WHEN MAKING CURRY DON'T BE SCARED OF CURRY POWDER.. THE RECIPE MAY CALL OF 3 TBSP OF CURRY POWDER.. BUT IN ACTUAL FACT U NEED 3 LADLESPOONS OF CURRY POWDER.. AND CURRIES ARE THE EASIEST TO MAKE.. IT'S A ONE POT WONDER..

6. ALWAYS SEASON AND TASTE YOUR FOOD.. AND DON'T OVERCOOK THE VEGETABLES..ESP TO THE INDIANS THEY WILL KILL IT..

7. DO NOT DRY UR CLOTHES IN YOUR KITCHEN WHEN COOKING.. YOUR CLEAN LAUNDRY WILL SMELL OF FOOD..

8. Kitchen and toilet shld be washed everyweek... and stove shld be wiped minimum everyother day.. this is to prevent grease and grime from building up.. and for your toilets prevet the growth of algae.. SO GET STAINLESS STEEL KITCHEN SINKS IF YOU THINK U CAN'T SCRUB THEM ALL THE TIME..

9. CARPETS ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT CLEANING THEM SUCKS ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE SINUS.. DEPENDING ON THE GRADE OF UR CARPET.. IF YOU HAVE IMPORTED THOSE MADE FROM MULBERRY SILK.. LIKE THE SUPER SOFT KIND U MUST USE A SOFT BRISTLE BRUSH TO GENTLY DUST IT.. IF U HAVE THOSE OTHER KIND.. U MUST SCRUB IT UNTILL ALL THE LINT IS OFF..

10. FINALLY.. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T CLEAN AND COOK... GET A MAID...

omg... job applying sucks big time.. i mean to get a good govt job is no joke man.. god pls gimme ur blessings.. i need it asap..

patience is virtue

2011-02-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

patience is virtue.. but unfortunately i am an extremely impatient person.. I want everything to be done on the dot!! BUT I HAVE TO WAIT.. like all others..

i am in the midst of finding a job and currently in the last sem of uni.. i still dunno wad i want to do with my life.. but i have to figure it out soon i guess..

i hope its soon.. i need to save up and get my priorities straight..

internship at the petroleum company has been really boring.. when i have work to do i hav to deal with extremely toxic stuff.. so i am not digging it.. we'll see how it goes.. till then nothing very interesting in my life.. haha.. but a few weddings coming up soon..

BTW i went to the best bangle ceremny in my life!! freakin awesome.. someday i'll be having my own..hehe..

hello 2011

2011-01-31T17:11:00.000-08:00

and jus like that January has passed by us.. so far 2011 has been full of good news.. I'M CONVOCATING WITH HONS in july!!!!! and another one tat brings me personal euphoria!!! haha..

can't wait for for my attachment to end though. I'm working at a petroleum company that has service lab.. so the shifts are crazy!! and the chemicals tat we deal with is pretty toxic!! and i end up smelling like a crayon each time!!! but on the flipside my colleagues are not too bad and its pretty fun to carry out all the testing.. but i don't think i'll be staying in the long run.. very little perks.. so yeah.. plus for CNY the non-chinese work 24hrs around the clock!! wth!! is tat even allowed?

oh wells.. the new yr has made me throw out the rotten apples and celebrate the polished delicious ones..

all i can say is good riddence!! I can't stand pple who are ungrateful and r super rude!!so tat's the end!

my sunday class is gonna be starting a new level the sec skool level and preparations for it are crazy.. so yeah..

i desperately need tuition..

till my next proper post..

bells

2010-12-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

a dear fren of 7 years is getting engaged and i cldnt be happier for her.. god bless them both..

the year is coming to an end... and boy am i glad.. but i might have a heart attack on the 18th!! cos results r out.. i owe god a few stuffs.. that i better give him before i forget..

2010 has been awful! the loss of two ppl i noe.. the torment of education.. the torment of new entry in the family, the hiatus of probs after probs.. hmmm...

i hope 2011 will be better..

so my exams are over

2010-12-22T20:40:00.000-08:00

I realise i tend to start writing my blog entries with SO.. hahah..So.. my exams are over.. when i say over this is the last time in my entire life i have to write exams.. and it certainly wasn't easy at all.. like Trina said We are amazing.. becos for the past 7 sems we study 2 weeks before exams and condense such heavy and and complicated content so quickly and make it throught our papers.. its a wonder.. everyone in ntu chem has the will power to chiong so u cannot give up and u must study ur arse off..

and thats wad we do.. but this sem was really an amazing feat.. cos the core modules were killer.. but i hope all will be well.. and now the festivities begin.. so does the shopping..

after my last paper yest we went to partay!! and after vodka redbull, vodka cranberry, flamin lamborghini, tequila shot, screwdriver, a woohoo shot,and quarter a jug of vodka red bull.. i was still sane and brought 2 of my wasted pals back home with trina.. pretty funny..

nehow.. doing my christmas shopping soon.. so gtg get ready..

focus

2010-12-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

So my world recently crumbled right in front of me.. and i was helpless.. with noone to help me, with the only one who saw me hurting thot it was a lie and with me not being able to tell..

so i gave myself a tight slap a few times.. calmed myself down and picked up the pieces and told myself that there is only one way from here and that is UP.. but where is UP?

i am hanging from a very thin line right now.. and with finals in a wk and tat arsehole's wedding, and the demented tuition kid who is a boy and 16 and can't stop talking abt how cool it is to club, smoke, drink and even told me that his gf of 1wk said to him that they'd do it after O's!! i was like wad drink tog? he was like no HAVE SEX!! omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!! i'm mortified, terrified and disgusted.. i conducted an why one should practise abstinence lesson and left in disgust.. he even had the cheek to ask me whether i had done it alr!! I'M LIKE THAT'S NONE OF UR FUCKING BIZ ANDHOW CAN U PRY INTO MY PERSONAL LIFE LIKE THAT.. wad kids these days r so daring.. n wad kind of girl tells the bf tat in 1wk of getting tog.. !!!!!! YUCKS... SLUT IS THE WORD..

eeeeeee.. so god dam traumatised la.. WHAT THE HECK R THEY THINKING.. OMG!! ISSIT JUS ME BEING OLD FASHIONED OR DO PPL IN SKOOL LAST TIME STARTED doing it when they were 14? but i noe of none.. ewwwwww...

so amidst this trauma i'm still trying to pick up the pieces.. and stay strong for myself.. so till 22nd i have to FOCUS!!

என் இன்னிய தமிழ் மக்களே ...

2010-11-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

ஐயோ! கடவுளே எத்தனை பாடங்கள் . முடிக்கவே எத்தனை மணி நேரமோ? ஹையோ மண்டை வலிக்குது.. யாராவது காபாதுகளே? எதுதான் என்னுடைய முதல் தமிழ் ப்ளாக் போஸ்ட். ரொம்ப அர்சிரியமா இருக்குலே? சேரி மீதும் சந்திப்போம்.

Stop whining

2010-10-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the love we're looking for is right in our very hands.. but we are too picky? or r we too afraid? but sometimes ppl shld give chances.. allow themselves to actually experience a relationship.. even if it doesnt work out.. it is ok.. we learn.. BUT WE SHLD GIVE CHANCES.. BEFORE WE BECOME OLD MAIDS...

pull thru

2010-10-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

Abby..

We really love you.. You're the most genuine person i've ever known in my life.. and u'd always be that angel in my heart.. We miss you so much.. I still don't know how to grief..I can't help but to think you are ard still.. you looked so peaceful.. wherever u go, whatever you do i wish the best for u.. you left too soon.. never even said your gdbyes.. but we all do it in one way or another.. thank you for letting me be a part in ur life.. i loved going out with u to little india drinking the lassi and eating the indian food.. walking for miles.. eating beancurd!! haha.. ur an amazing person that th earth forgoed too soon.. u r so strongwilled and determined..sometimes i cry.. but i noe that ur in a better place now.. u'll alwyas be in my heart and my thoughts abby.. i love you so dearly...

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

Passed away peacefully on 27/10/2010
Rest in peace.....

how is it that you?

2010-10-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

"When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when his son gives to his father, both cry." Willaim Shakespear

How does that happen... How is that you turned against your own blood? I don't know, i dont have the answers. But I know I shouldnt become like you. I should be the pillar of strength, success, genuine love and happiness for those around me and especially for MYSELF. I should have no ill intentions for you or the people associated with you only because I'm not that kind of a person.. What kind of a person? A PERSON LIKE YOU.

And so my friend.. Clear your head for this family we share now is precious and We should hold it together.

The pain to see our parents cry not because of us but another is immense is as heart break as a breakup. Because of the love and bond we share.and hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn... so don't.. We are not in any position to decide punishments and fate.. But we can decide the happiness of our parents our family.

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." C.S Lewis

OMG OMG

2010-10-14T03:43:00.001-07:00

OMG 2 MAJOR TESTS!! ONE SUCKED LIKE HELL.. CREATED MY OWN MECHANISM.. LIKE SOME MAD SCIENTIST!! TO MAKE IT WORSE THE NO LIFE IN MY HOUSE IS BEING A BITCH.. WHICH MEANS.. mom PMS 24/7 AT THE POOR REMAINING SOULS IN THE HSE!! so need vacation..

sick to my stomach

2010-09-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

i've been very amazed at alot of things.. How alot of ppl can be.. How horrid a person can be.. And even when i was provoked many times unreasonably i still kept my peace sat down and watched.. Cos hurting u wld be my bad karma..however the truth is u being this way wit ur lies and actions ur life is ruined for gd.. Especially becos of e one person ur gonna build ur entire life ard.. So from my family to u wld be gd riddance!

I've down wit a crazy viral infection tat has only grown stronger! All this medicine consumption makes me feel horrid.. In a wk to come i have 2 major tests! Oh god.. Help me!

technology

2010-09-17T02:37:00.000-07:00

omg! I'm actually blogging from my handphone.. P.s: its a not an iphone or a blackberry.. Anyways, school has started n 3 wks have passed by just like that! N b4 i noe it i'd be sitting for my mid terms n blah blah blah.. I attended a career talk of a certain company which my career might end up at.. It's extremely lucrative if e job is well done.. However i'm thinking of explore ewhole industry n gaining e experience 1st.. All e graduate progs r very well planned n suitable for me but tat also means very intense competition..

Putting that aside.. I cant wait to finish up al my tuitions.. N asgs.. Alot of b.days coming up n tat means presents n that in turn means money... Alritey.. Gtg.. Till next post..

goodness gracious me

2010-09-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

In the computer lab right now... Waiting for the next lecture to start.. School is erratic with the hoards of students, the myriad of problems in ADD/DROP.. ok nvm.. gonna stop writing now cos the dude beside is very K-PO!!

to control

2010-08-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

The ability to control is what differenciates man from animal.. We have the power to control what we want but do we truly use it for the benefit of mankind and us?

I don't think so.. and the weather recently has been a reiteration to what i jus mentioned.. the erratic weather is mainly due to global warming which in turn is agitated by us humans..

We cannot always control circumstances but we can control our thoughts and actions.

I guess being honest to ourselves is the first step to be able to control our thoughts. Every adult can definitely pick the right from wrong. So for instance when something bad happens before reacting think whether the emotion ur feeling is justified. For instance, i am a super hot tempered person!! But i know that by being that way the only person that i'm punishing is myself. when someone scolds you stupid! we all feel insulted and offended. And we get so angry and hold a grudge agst that person for mths. But that person would have forgotten it the very next min and instead u punish urself by thinking and getting agitated with that person..

Start by being grateful for the days and the pple who can keep you safe and comforted. Happiness comes from within. So stop finding happiness anywhere else other than urself. STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR RUINING UR PEACE AND HAPPINESS. if you cant find peace and happiness within then you can never find it anywhere else.. I have wasted alot of precious time blaming navin for not keeping me happy but yesterday i experienced it for myself and thought what a meany i was.

Navin is perfect for me in many ways. He does so many things for me yet i complain because often i feel that its not up to my expectations. But really it is because i am not at peace with myself. i am unhappy with the person i have become and taken advantage of the fact that i have someone i can push ard. but all it took was some soul searching and honesty. Yest was DHL's family day at Universal Studios. Navin brought me and i had so much of fun even though i was pretty sick. however the weather was sucky and unfortunately navin dropped my camera n the lcd screen broke inside( thus my camera is pretty useless). At that moment i was super mad at him for being so clumsy. The old me wld have immediately gotten into a mad rage screamed and insulted him for being a useless wit that cant even handle a camera. But instead, I jammed all the evil thoughts running wild in my head and told myself.. look he had no intention of breaking the camera even if it had been me in his shoes i wld have dropped the camera due to circumstances. he went out of his way to come all the way early in the morning to fetch me from my place on a rainy sunday morning (navin enjoys sleeping in on weekends), caring for me afraid i might fall even more sick in the rain n kept sheltering me with his hoodie, and moreover his face literally died after he dropped the camera and i noe he felt terrible. Am i gonna ruin this day with my cruel piercing words! or am i gonna be grateful to him afterall its a camera which can be bought again.. so i told him not to feel bad abt it. at that moment i actually had a flashforward of my ugly self n told myself to not be like tat ever...

try being honest to urself.. it is a gd start for a happy life ahead.

so THANKS NAVIN FOR A GREAT DAY!! I LOVE YOU LOADS!! woooo hooo...

IT'S TIME FOR CHANGE

2010-07-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

That's right its time for change.. It's time to upgrade as a person, as a living being of this earth.. It is time to take responsibility for our actions, to repent and to become the best each day...

Why should we put in the effort? Because you'd be guaranteed long term happiness..

Let's see now.. Everyone would have reach a point in their lives where we'd just crumble to our knees in our locked room and cry the way we have never cried before. And we'd beg god to stop this pain, this mental torture that hurts so bad even if someone stabbed us with a knife we wouldn't know. How we would have tried so hard to live the next day knowing nothing like that ever happened.. We suffer in silence and ruin ourselves the same time.. Be it concerning weight issues, family problems, mental torture, physical abuse and betrayal by the one you loved, death of a dear one, family member, victims of cruel crimes or anything.. We only want the hurting to stop and be happy and lead a normal life. Most of us somehow get through this dark period.. the rest unfortunately don't make it through.

However for those who saw the light at the end of the tunnel we survived.. But was it worth surviving.. you be the judge of that..

Here's a true story i saw last night on National Geographic, Locked up abroad.

A story about Gracia and Martin, an American couple, who were kidnapped by the Abu Syaf Militant group in the Philippines and held hostage together with 24 others. Where they slowly beheaded each American for ransom one by one. In the end only 4 people survived after 11mths and rescued by the philippine's army. Gracia was one of them however Martin, her husband, did not survive. Gracia lived to tell the story and as she did she said "Martin told me one day, that he saw greed, hatred and all these ugly sides but not in the militants but in himself. And that's when i reflected and saw how anger and jealous i was when the militants wouldn't share their food with me, how i hated them for keeping us hostage. And suddenly this mirror appeared in front of me and i knew that we were all equally and no one's to say that i'm bigger here."

At the end of the entire episode she said that Martin would always tell her if he did not make it and she survived she was to go home to their 3 kids as their mother not their mother minus her mind. Because their kids need their same fun loving mother.

And she finally revealled something so intense and deep. She hope that she has changed as a person, and not be ignorant any longer. Because after all that she has gone through and if she had not learnt anything from it, it would be awful because it costed her husband, her best friend.

So if we don't change ourselves for the better after going through all that then its time to change.. Because we deserve the best life with love and happiness and we will share it wit the world.....

P.s: Gracia now runs a foundation supporting Muslim and Christian foundations in Kansas.

Martin and Gracia Burnham foundation: http://www.graciaburnham.org/

Gracia has also written a book which is very inspiring and motivating.. Go grab it, its a good read..

bucket list

2010-07-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

I guess i have a really really long bucket list.. And i am on my way to getting each of it nailed down..

Like all relationships after so many year.. we come to a pt of stagnation.. partly becos we ourselves are undergoing transition periods.. transition is our age, education, job, field of interest and maturity..

sometimes this transition messes with us real bad.. i'm reaching the cross roads of my life.. the pt where I dont noe what job i'm gonna do, whether am i gonna buy a car, what investments i'm gonna uptake, where am i gonna find time to travel?

so becos of all these confusion like the contusions in our brains.. we tend to neglect other things that are there to stay.. in my case is navin.. but its a 2 way things.. we r too caught up with our lives.. that we dun spend QUALITY time with each other..

so we finally got down to talking, screaming, yelling things out and came to our senses.. with a new hope that we actually may create a positive gradient..

we are all salves to our mind. we let it control us. When we feel angry we shout or do things that does not bring us happiness which is our ultimate goal in life.. to be happy.. being angry does not bring us happiness but we feel it anyways.. becos we do not have the freedom from our mind..
We need to be the master of our mind.. And religion plays a big part it helping us become the master of our mind..

Friday greens..

2010-06-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

Why friday greens? cos the grasscutters are cutting the grass currently and my balcony smells like green green grass.. If i was a cow i'd dig that.. unfortunately, yes very unfortunately i'm a human..

Its quite nice to be an animal actually.. yeah you're gonna argue that oh but then u might not have a long lifetime.. you'd be hunted down.. its the survival of the fittest.. yeah yeah.. but who says u need to live a century to have lived the best life? n the freedom u get is amazing.. the sexlife is free and easy and u cant eat whatever you want..

If i was an animal i'd be a KILLER WHALE.. they are awesome creatures.. so dolphin like with huge dorsal fins and beautiful black and white colour.. at the same time they are FIERCE!!!! and my favourite thing is the sinister part they have to them.. killer whales are called killer whales not because they are a type of whale.. they belong more to the dolphin species.. however.. they kill whales.. yes they do.. hence the name killer whale.. (Don't try to be a smart ass now and say but then they should be called whale killer..). they have another name: Orca. Anyhow, why are they sinister? Because studies and many observations on these amazing mammals have proven that they kill whales sometimes for no reason.. They may appear playful however this can turn violent and bloody..

I've been pretty down with my preparations for my open water dive in Pulau Aur next weekend.. after which I'd be a certified PADI open water diver!! woohoo.. shall take alot of pictures and post it up.. hehe..adios peeps..

sighs n blues

2010-06-08T04:45:00.000-07:00

First of all...

I think that when you do something be it a project or a test or even work.. One should really make it a point to see the value behind what the task requires from you RATHER THAN HOW YOU WANNA IMPRESS OTHERS.. there must be a deeper meaning to what you do a message you wanna deliver.. a certain glimmer that you wanna cathc and show the rest the essence of what it really is...

I'm starting to rethink my options and see where i can lay my hands on.. Not for the money, or not because i do not know what i want to do yet.. But because i know that i have more to offer the world than just chemistry or cakes or songs.. i can offer my help..

YEP has changed my perspective of alot of things MINUS the people in my group.. did i really go there to help them? is there anything else i cld have done better.. i sit and think each day..

so many projects to be done.. but so little ppl to help genuinely..

maybe we shld have gotten them new school uniforms? shoes for the kids at tirunelveli? built their toilets? brought that baby with brittle bones to a good hospital to let their parents get closure cos there cried to me that the 5 doctors they went to told tham the child will eventually walk but never did.. give the each family in the slums money?

I guess i will continue to give as much as i can.. i will be organising another YEP to india.. this time, the focus will be on giving as much as u can.. and i'm not gonna pick ppl jus to fill up my quota.. becos there r alot of ppl out there who want their CV to look gd..

I miss moses n crystal.. haha.. btw bought my swimsuit so i can finally go swimming with u guys.. woooo...

So I PASSED

2010-05-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

i PASSED WITH NOT FLYING COLOURS... but i passed!!

This alone proves that there is god!! haha.. n god is great n works his miracles.. so he's getting his end of the deal..

so this hols.. i'm gonna get my diving license.. which is pretty cool... cos it's lifetime n i can diving in open waters ard the world... quite nervous about the equalising part but oh well.. haha.. exciting!!!

so broke.. need more tuitions.. but so diff to find one now!! sighs.. oh well.. i gotta go.. cya soon..

Some of the most beautiful men in the world..

2010-05-25T05:28:00.000-07:00

Abishek Bachan

He's the son of the famous Amitabh Bhachan and the husband of the most beautiful woman on earth Aishwarya Rai.. That alone makes him beautiful.. but more than that he's a charming and incredibly talented guy in the film industry..

Dr. Travis Stork

He's the doctor from the THE DOCTORS tv show.. and he's not only hot n handsome but he's all that brains too.. He was also in the bachelor however the relationship with " the one" dint work out due to some contractual obligations.. However this fine chap has proven to be a gentleman who is compassionate and dedicated..

Il Divo

These men are god sent with the most wonderful voices in the entire universe.. Hence they deserve to be called beautiful.. when i first heard their voice i instantly fell in love.. it is really love at first sight n sound.. omg!! thanks to simon cowell who brought these four talents to the world...

IGNACIO NACHO FIGUERAS..

He's born in Argentina and speaks spanish just like me.. haha.. he's a polo player, one of the top 100 in the world.. and hence also became the face of Polo Ralph Lauren.. Why is he in the beautiful list.. do i have to explain? anyhow.. he's gorgeous..n he takes pride in whatever he does with passion and is talented.. he's also a father of a baby girl and has a son.. YES he is married to another beautiful woman..

Navin Kumar

This is my personal Favourite!!!

Cos he's the most beautiful of them all.. haha.. n i love him oh so dearly.. n he's beautiful inside and outside as well.. He's the most patient person i now of in the entire universe and its quite the talent i say.. he's got the warmest and gorgeous brown eyes and the softest luscious lips.. n best of all he smells so good all the time.. so he's quite the deal.. n someday i'd be saying he's married to me.. haha!!!

many many things!!

2010-05-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

So it's been yrs since i blogged but.. many many things have happened.. exams, asshole in the family, educational turmoil, n my future family events..

lets start wit exams.. well.. i hope i still get my A+ for spanish level 2.. the oral was not too bad.. but the written exam was extremely tricky.. my core mods oh god save me.. my biobiz not too bad.. so yea....

then the asshole in the family.. well there is god to take care of u n that blardy big mouth deluded fat bitchshit.. glad u r moving out.. n jus so u noe the whole family feels its good riddence..

I mean when ur own parents talk shit abt u to strangers n cant wait for u to get rid of u.. its pretty sad.. haha..

my take on this is i'd spit on u if u utter a word to me.. n a slap in the face with my heels is awaiting..

U R STILL BLARDY DOGS N WORST THAN THAT COS A DOG IS LOYAL TO ITS MASTER.. N UR NOT EVEN LOYAL TO UR WOMB U CHEEEEE BYEE!!

HENCE UR IT!!

next.. educational turmoil.. since chemistry n biological chemistry is a fairly new course in NTU.. P.S: it is not the same as NUS chem.. its the same as NUS APPLIED CHEM..

they havent shut all the possible problems that can arise from the growing no of the cohort.. hence always making life diff for us.. NO WELFARE FOR STUDENTS!! hence u hear abt all the suicide blah blah..

oh wells.. gtg.. more updates soon..

hola

2010-04-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

my life is in educational turmoil.. so wanna jus quit studying and become a CAKE BOSS!!!

yes.. that's wad i wanna do.. i mean learning chem maybe in other parts of the world.. the profs may encourage students to delve deeper into the topic.. spread the passion.. but here is a dog eat dog world.. n world since i'm a minority who looks average it doesnt help either.. it jus worsens the situation.. itts frustrating.. how all my life i've had to tolerate all the injustice.. but nothing can really be done can it.. anyhow.. i officially hate chemistry!! i love science.. but not chemistry or physics or bio!! ironic but yes...

i love making cakes...

i love studying spanish...

i love singing songs..

i love doing art..

so yes.. i hate chemistry!!

okie back to asgs!!!!!

happy birthday shali!!

n congrats to my dearest coach mr chua kok chiow!! my saving grace.. my confidant.. my friend and my inspriation.. on running 218km in 32hrs n 32mins!!! awesome man!!!!

2010-03-04T03:46:00.000-08:00

2 clubs
awesome music
great company
loads of love
1 sambuka(however u spell it) shot wit flame on the surface thanks to brother in law
2 vodkasprite
1bourbon coke
1vodka cranberry
half a jug of vodka redbull
orange bacardi breezer

bits of maggi goreng

made me extremely happy

n the next day i fell sick cos i was alr having sore throat!!!

did i mention.. i love navin.. like the warm fuzzy love that makes u all shy when u see the person... hahaha..

so many

2010-03-01T05:03:00.001-08:00

I WANT TO DO SO MANY THINGS.. but there are so many shit that is not tend to yet!!!
so crappy..............i want a car.. so that i can drive ard!!! but i got no money.. i want to do my intern with adithya birla but i dunno what are the odds i will get it.. i so badly want to grad on time.. but they are making it so impossible for us!!!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. IDIOTS!!! i want to run away from something..

I DONT WANT TO ATTEND IT!!! BECOS OF IT!! SICKENING..

i want to start my sangitham.. but i got no money and no time.. i want to volunteer but i got no time!!!!! i want to going true fitness cos their BODY PUMP IS SO GOD DAMN AWESOME.. cos SUE is super funky 6-pac-ed, armlicious cool instructor.. n even though body pump is crazy it's super good for u.. but again to money n no time

i want to jus graduate properly!! arrrrrrrrgh.. n get the summer research even though i am so not looking forward to it!!

on the flipside.. i cant' wait to go for the kumar bared and stripped @ esplanade tis fri.. a little treat for me n navin to celebrate the amazing tolerance and not forgetting the wonderful no-so perfect but out of the world love we have shared for each other during these four years .. okie.. gotta get back to the craziness..badly want 2010 to end asap!!

misunderstood

2010-02-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

i simply wanted to get an answer whether does a local degree equate to an overseas degree.. and i did not say anything abt it being inferior or otherwise.. that is all.. so to all u disappointed ppl out there.. dun be COS I'M NOT AT ALL MOCKING..

i'm simply pissed at e fact tat SUCH LITTLE EFFORT PUT IN BY OTHERS AS COMPARED TO THOSE WHO SLOG LIKE HELL.. CAN come out with e same status of even higher n be proud of it..

i dunno..

i'm jus pissed..
ignore me..

agitated

2010-02-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

I am extremely agitated.. Becos i keep hearing from ppl who could barely make it pass their years in M.I even worse, dropped out.. studying medicine.. obviously overseas.. I JUST WANT TO KNOW AND CLARIFY ONE THING..

Most mainstream kids would probably identify with me on this one.. Does a local university degree (NUS, NTU,SMU, UNISIM) equate to a private uni degree? IF YES.. then Y BOTHER STUDYING WHEN U CAN SCREW UP UR A'S N BUY URSELF INTO SOME "INTERNATIONAL UNI "THAT IS as most of their students put it offers a specialisation degree that even local uni's dont offer.. n the best part "as they strongly stress" that they r ensured to get the same jobs that the local uni degree holders get.. FIRSTLY, WTF!!! SECONDLY, I'M ABT TO LAUGH!!

IF NO, then why is there an influx of ppl doing such degrees? or wad is the diff btw their deg n the local ones...

IT'S REALLY SICKENING.. to noe tat when u work shit hard.. n others r jus become DRs, Psychologists, lawyers, etc, etc jus like tat even after screweing up their dips n A's..

sheesh..

I'm gonna make a movie
like the LAW ADIBING CITIZEN..
THE EDUCATION ADIBING STUDENT...

FOR ALL THE BASTARDS

2010-02-09T06:11:00.001-08:00

for all u bastards who have used the word ahpunehneh, black to an indian... go read this blog!! even though u cant really change an imbecile or like i said a bastard( yes i'm fully aware of what bastard means) the entry is rather enlighting..

http://www.sammyboy.com/showthread.php?t=17396

AND TO ADD ON TO WHAT SHE'S SAID... we don't talk with neh at the back of our words.. so stop trying to mimic us by saying " an-the-pun-deneh!!" WTF!!! wat the hell is tat? u sound like a fucktard!! THE ONLY PERSON I NOE WHO SPEAKS WITH A "neh" at the back of his sentences is my china prof!!! hmm.. pretty suggestive there..

anyhow.. MAJORITY DOES NOT EQUATE TO SUPERIORITY..

yay!!!

2010-02-08T19:30:00.001-08:00

YAY!!! i passed my driving with 14 pts.. hahaha.. so crazy man.. i kept moving off in gear 2.. lucky its only a minor mistake!!! wooo hooo.. noow who's gonna buy me a car.. hahaha

anyways.. had to rush back to skool for my sport science later slot mod.. n it was crazy intensive.. to experience resistance training vs manual resistance training.. my arms r crazy weak.. lucky i still have it in my legs.. so after an hr of theory.. we head down to the gym.. n we did 3 sets of 12 exercises..12-15 reps each.. but tat was only to figure out our indiv rep max..

1.leg press
2. hip abduction
3.hip adduction
4. chest press
5. chest fly
6. assisted chin up
7.cable row
8. shoulder press
9. bicep curls
10. assisted dip
11. back extension
12. abdominal crunch

after which we went down to the pool to do manual resistance training.. in the cold cold pool water at 830pm.. we did sprints on the spot, lunges, dips push ups, side extensions, strides, and alot of other stuff.. great workout.. felt the burn yest.. not so much today.. prolly it'll show tom.. okie back to lab report.. n organic.. oh shit.. forgot to do spanish hw.. adios.. hasta la vista!!!

tormented

2010-02-02T07:34:00.001-08:00

THE ONLY QUESTION THAT RINGS THRU MY MIND EACH WK IS ....

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?

my timetable is crazy this sem with 7 insane modules to do.. 3 core with the damn 6 hrs of lab.. CAN U IMAGINE STANDING N DOING REACTIONS AFTER REACTIONS FOR THE WHOLE GOD-DAMN 6 HRS!!!! anyhow.. i have 4 electives tis sem.. of which i only enjoy 2 of it n the other 2 cldnt really care less.. biobiz n communication... yucks.. the other two is spanish level 2.. and an NIE module from the School of Physical fitness and edu.. PHYSICAL FITNESS AND CONDITIONING.. interesting to learn the biomechanics that take place in ur body with the various training programmes.. n then we actually do it in practical as well.. so it's pretty crazy.. haha.. but since i've gone through various kinds of training it's interesting to know how it benefits u.. pretty cool..

apart from that.. my bro is getting engaged tis fri.. n i've asg's piling up with tests.. shit.. n lab report is killer!!!

after this sem i will let out a huge ass sigh..

oki.. gtg...

OH OH.. IF U GUYS CAN.. try to search abt this jap girl called Junko Furuta.. the bastards that did that her should jus go through the same shit.. unfortunately they are still alive n terrorising others..

school sucks

2010-01-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

Alright.. this is a crazy year.. cos i have this sem tat will pass by wit the blink of an eye.. and i have like 3 mths of summer research in school after that kissing my hols gdbye.. n amidst all this my bro is getting hitched.. n the following sem i will be doing my industrial attachment..

so it's abit crazy.. haha.. anyhow..

am going to skool tom!! so.. god save me pls.. haha..

played badminton wit navin today at yishun sports complex.. gd workout..

can wait for my TP man.. hmm.. hopefully i get my license.. cos i'm broke!!

800th post

2010-01-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

IT'S new year..

And i'm gonna pack so much of things into it that i won't even have time to breathe!!

Firstly i'm going to get my license one way or another!!
Secondly after that i'm gonna save to travel like mad!!

i need a min of 2 trips next yr.. so yeah!!
EXCITING TRIPS.. SCREW THE SPAS N THE BLAHS.. i want adventure.. u noe be in the weirdest of conditions.. minus rats.. cos i can't stand them..

so here's to touring the whole of thailand!! woo hoo!!!!

2010

2010-01-01T20:52:00.001-08:00

Oh my god.. here comes the year..

the funny part the year jus began.. and i want it to be over!!! hahah..

if it's over.. it means only 1 more sem to graduate and it means my bro is not living wit us anymore and best of all i am reaching my silver jubilee.. my 25th bday.. haha..

anyhow...

resolutions for this year:
1. Reduce the anger factor.
2. Be nicer to pple even if they are mean to me.. Cos god will punish them..
3. Be more filial to god.
4. Get at least 2 As..
5. Laugh my heart out everyday!!
6. OH exercise more.. apparently w/o exercise i look skinny.. JOKE right!! so yeah..

i realised

2009-12-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

yest i went for a muneswaran pooja under a block at yishun.. n as usual the person carrying out the prayers goes into trance n starts dancing n everything n sometimes even do things tat wld be rather peculiar to the other races like whacking himself wit a parang or carrying a pot filled with burning coals.. n the urumi mellam group was playing.. i was super duper amazed by the the sound of urumi.. very nice.. u can see random passerbys having the urge to jus dance.. children dancing n bobbing their head to the sounds of the drums..

n not forgeting the police arrived.. not 1 but 3 and one was the k9 van.. hilarious.. cos someone complained man with parang slicing himself.. haha.. TOLERATE PPL!! LIKE HOW WE TOLERATE UR UNGODLY HOUR PROCESSIONS!! have we ever complained man whipping himself? no.. we dont n we won't cos we respect other religions..

anyhow.. we had a letter from MP N POLICE n the police themselves weren't aware of it.. haha..

so me n navin went to see the tranced guy.. n he din have much for me but said..don't hurry be patient.. n he also said tat i'm the sort tat need not outwardly show my faith in god but keeps everything inside..

then he said wadever bothers u u must push it aside n study n i am also the kind of person who does tat.. so i was like okie..

haha..

i'm jus very proud n glad tat i was born as an indian an a HINDU!! SO PROUD TO BE PART OF THE OLDEST RELIGION IN THE WORLD..

n other than tat did i mention I HATE CHRISTMAS!! it's like it nv works out for me so.. yeah.. turned into the grinch..

looking forward to the new yr eve party..

n i want to see my results good or bad!!!

heading off

2009-12-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously working on my temper.. n like i'm trying as hard as possible.. n it's times like that when ppl test u.. n say all kind of negative things like.. wad's the pt ur gonna snap later anyways.. you're rude.. you're selfish.. n they PUSH MY BUTTON!! so tempted to stick gum in their hair... but what is the point.. i incur bad karma n wad ever damage that has been done to me can't be undone..

BUT... I'M STUBBORN.. N I WILL PURSUE THIS JOURNEY..

god will be with me..

heading for a short trip to batam.. hoping to have fun!!

MAMA DRAMA!!!

2009-11-30T04:29:00.000-08:00

MA MA DRAMA!!!

k you noe how painful it was for bella when the vampire dude dumped her... picture me having that pain n screaming in my bed cos EXAMS HAVENT FREAKING ENDED.. i'm like burnt out.. n dying.. it's so christmassy out there.. but it's so unfair here i am hablo en espanol!!! los dias lunes, martes, miercoles, jueves, viernes y los fin es de semana, espanol espanol espanol!!!

POR FAVOR!!!

anyhow.. back to espanol...

can't wait

2009-11-29T03:16:00.001-08:00

OH MY GOSH.. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE EXAMS TO BE OVER.. IT'S BEEN SO LONG.. N THE EXAMS R STILL DRAGGING..
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr... very disappointed with my quantum mechanics la.. hai.. hope i dont fail or get a d or anything..

now left with spanish n lab... hmmmmmmmmmmm.... no mood to study.. feel like going shopping n all.. sucks..

this feeling sucks..

meeting up with the mi gang on tues.. haha.. looking forward to seeing them...

hahaha

2009-11-10T04:51:00.000-08:00

bloggin with my darling trusty tablet with laba-baba(my sis) directly behind mugging her arse off!! hahaha... IT'S THE A'LEVELS BABY!! glad i'm done with it.. even though i enjoyed studying for it.. content doing all the maths papers in the world!! n then just when u think it's all over.. NTU CBC shows you what chemistry really is compared to the nonsense we had mugged in JC!! like WTH!!!

today was spanish listening and NUCLEAR MAGNETIC RESONANCE tests. which i did do as well as i expected to do.. screwed up a 30mark question in the latter and the listening was super fast... felt like crap...

and then.. now is a mad rush to practise for my spanish oral exam which a dialogue written by me and my partner..sigh..

today crystal made a pretty package for me cumpleanos(birthday)..

and in it was a herseys cookies n creme, a box of edible chocolate spoons and a card.. so cute.. ahah...yay!! then we went to the fruit tart at orchard central and ate the tarts to our hearts content... mmmm.

and guess what mi novio(bf) got me!! hahaha....

THE CASIO SHEEN WATCH I WANTED!!( CAN'T FIND IT IN SG)

HAHAHAHAHA... many loves... yay!! now i need to get myself gd grades.. n it wld jus be perfecto.. badly wanna score for spanish..

till next time.. adios.. hasta pronto...

i dont know how the hell

2009-10-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I really don't know how the hell i can actually roam around and get pass all the important things i have on hand!!

IT'S CALLED PROCRASTINATION AND SELF PRESERVATION!! hahaha..
so kental!!
anyways my wkends were burnt!! SAT WAS LIKE 3 DEEPAVALI OPEN HOUSE.. n of which i couldn't make it to kalai's n i felt really down.. cos i knew i had to study for test on tues n blah blah blah...shit la!!
n then i had my best fren renu's birthday on sun... n since tues i had test n it was also O'lvl math paper, i knew that i can't go tuition on mon cos i end school at 5.30pm.. SO......... I HAD TO GO ON SUN MORN
n after that me n navin went to VILLA BALI at Gillman.. together with my best buddy nithiya n her bf to surprise our best pal RENU!!
anyways the ambience n the place was awesome.. so pretty..

then i went home to find out that my YEP report was due this fri if not i had to reimburse the 10k they had given me!!!
i was like shit!!..

But since me n crystal are super effectient we're done.. statement of accounts, the repot, the write ups of pre and post expedtion, the itinerary, the photos, the media coverage, the videos burnt into CDs, the new paper articles on Project smiles.. Done.. all that needs to be done now... is to print, bind and send!! muahhahahahah!!!

N oh did i mention i also got Spanish test on thurs which is like tom at a las veintiuna y media de la manana...
n lab report due on FRI!!!
haahahah...
since mon all me n navin does is work study work study call at 12 midnight n say good night love you.. n that's it.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... life sucks..

thinking of industrial attachment in India.. so stupid the places the offered for chem is China,Vietnam and India..

hmmmm..
i'm quite upset tat i can't even find the time to call up my friends n talk to them..
so sickening la..

life

2009-10-12T04:54:00.001-07:00

IN RELATIONSHIPS FIND THE 1% YOU AGREE ON AND GIVEE YOUR 100% AT IT....

so...

2009-10-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

Today when i tutored my cedar girls one after the other.. i felt like i was sitting for exam or something... haha.. i felt like drained after tution.. i enjoy teaching my girls because they actually spend every single minute that i dedicate to tution asking me question after quesiton .. i hope they do well.. i can only tell some pple to study but if u are jus plain lazy then i will lose allhope on u n prefer if u started from scratch again.. sometimes some ppl need to fall real bad to realise.. LIKE ME.. hahah..

EVERYBODY

2009-10-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

KANAGESWARY IS 23 YEARS OLD!!! HAHAHAHAH...

and KUMARI SHANKER IS 22 YEARS OLD...

and NAVIN KUMAR IS 22 YEARS OLD!!

and MR ANNADORAY is 57 years old... hahahahahahaha....

my mom told me that do you noe that when i'm 66 ur bro will be 40 years old.. wow man!! hahha.. super funny..

okie back to quantum mechanics and chronic coughing...

gone

2009-10-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

okie... i know i've gone missing for a long long time.. hahaha.. but it's the prep for mid terms... sigh.. it's like never ending... even last sem was not like that.. !!!!
plus since saturn has moved to some house of mine.. i keep falling ill.. like crap.. eeeeeee.... stomach flu, then normaly flu then diahorrea.. yucks..

I DONT EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO BUY STUFF FOR DEEPAVALI..
so many birthday somemore.. so arrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

bear with my baked goodies k!!

till after quantum mechanics paper...

TO YOU...

2009-09-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

obviously.. i've like a shit load of shit to do.. but once again the procrastination has settled in...

sometimes i think i'm like some mad woman... becos of my uncontrolable rage.. but at the same time i can't understand HOW GOD DAMN STUPID SOME PPLE CAN BE...

god is fair i guess.. takes the clever outtathe peeps n leaves them with patience and vice versa..

I have alot of presents due.. MOSES, i made mini cuppies.. but they have moulded.. so i've another creation of mine..

sept in the start of a whole load of birthday mths to come... BUT WITH DRIVING LESSONS in the way.. u guys are gonna jus have to bear with my bakes this yr.. hahah..

sat: ranjev's 18th..
25th: kana's 2o something.. hahah(sometimes age can be sensitive)
28th: my love of my life, navin
and the list goes on..

for now.. back to lab reports.. and studying for my mid terms..

sigh

2009-09-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

so tiring.. to travel to skool... n to know that a tonne of work needs to be done.. sucks.. spanish is the only thing i look forward to in skool..

I'M jus in a foul mood!!!arrrrrggghh!!!

so far

2009-08-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

i managed to steal a good picture of my cakes. haha.. it's a simply chocolate cake and the above is a summer berry no-bake cheesecake..

it was a great week..

it was navin's uncle's 55th birthday and his brother's 12th..

wad better way to celebrate it than with a family bbq... haha..

for the occasion i baked a red velvet chocolate fudge cake with chocolate ganache for the uncle and for vinith, a brownie bottom cheesecake with a mini rubik's cube cake on the top.. (sadly my attempt at the rubik's cube looks more like a dice)... good thing was.. THE CAKES WERE HEAVENLY.. haha.. the cheesecake was the bomb and the chocolate cake was not dry and crumbly but so moist and yummy..

I think i'm gonna start selling birthday cakes.. haha..

these following pics were from my boredom.. and leftover cream.. so i made creamy spicy sausage pasta and a lemon tart.. i think i added a bit too much lemon juice and it was pretty sour than most ppl would like it but my shortcrust pastry turned out perfecto!!

me and my love watched the HANGOVER!! it was super hilarious!! it is so god damn funny and bradley is to die for.. super drop dead gorgeous.. i love how they changed the candyshop song into the lounge music kinda version.. haha..

can't wait for my WHOMPING WEDNESDAY.. lunch at my favouritest yummy thai noodle house (the best tom yum soup in sg), driving, drop navin his get well soon package, and meet the girls for dinner at timbre!!

domestic goddess

2009-07-16T21:22:00.001-07:00

So as u can see i've been dead bored at home.. so i've been baking.. i baked dhivya, navin's sis, a sweet sixteen death by chocolate cake.. a pity i dint take a good picture of it but u can catch a glimpse of it in one of the pictures in this post.. Since my darling bf is not a chocolate lover or a sweet tooth i decided to throw in a summer berry no-bake cheescake.. which turned out of be a huge hit with them... haha.. it's bascially a no-bake cheesecake layer studded with raspberries,blueberries and strawberries and covered witha layer of strawberry JELL-O.. mmmmm...

also a few weeks ago.. i was craving for crepes.. so i make them and made a yummy strawberry and banana sauce to go with it..

I LOVE COOKING AND BAKING... maybe i shld start selling my cakes..
haha... it's so therapeutic and relaxing and fun..i'm quite particular when i baking..
when ur cooking all the agar-ration might work..
BUT BAKING is about perfection.. so u must get it right.. if not it'll jus be gross..

anyhow my next project will be for a 12 year old birthday and a 55 yr old uncle.. hahah..
I'm thinking brownie bottom cheesecake and a rubic cube cake.. lets see how it turns out.. hahaha..

and i finally posted the pcitures from my mini class gathring.. it was nice seeing all of them after so long.. haha..

high on life

2009-07-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

K.. i've been catching up or at least trying to!! haha.. but mostly lazying ard becos i noe once i start my YEAR 3 it'll be hectic as hell.. so anyways.. Navin told me that we was gonna bring me somewhere n it was a surprise.. sadly i din take pics but.. it was awesome.. even though i had to leave early he certainly made me smile the whole time.. he picked me up at 1 n we drove to pasir ris FARMWAY 2 to the puppy farm.. super duper cute can!!! N i soooooooooo wanted that pretty lil shih tzu, the handsome german shepherd, the shetland puppy, the teacup terrier, the chowchow,and the girly sausage doggy!!

THE WHOLE TIME I JUST GRABBED NAVIN'S HAND AND WAS LIKE AWWWWWW.. hahah..
when i get my own place i'm gonna get a doggie.. super cute.. haha..

someday...

anyhow...

YEP was awesome.. i would definitely do it again.. and i would definitely be going to thailand the next round.. Leading a team is definitely not easy peezy.. but if it wasnt hard then it wouldnt be worth it right?

I wanted to lead for no reason.. but maybe because i like challenges and i like helping children.. But i had no one to lead with.. It was crazy because i asked so many ppl but they all gave me the no-cant do sign.. and so i had a heart to heart talk with my buddy and finally she agreed.. n she was the best for me to work with cos she's very easy going.. everything was going well untill it was mid march n due to unforseen circumstances she had to back out.. i was doomed.. No co-leader.. with less than one and a half mths left to pull a team together, complete my leadership course, first aid course, get my funding approved, study for my mid-terms and my exams.. complete my exams for 6 papers.. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO? where would i find a co-leader.. it was very exhausting.. with a 10 000 word report for one of my elective as 50% to my finals and another 3000 word report for another pre-requite module.. in the midst of all this.. i told myself.. maybe i should not do this after all...

n was 60% positive that this trip was a goner... so i sat there.. whined to my 3 stooges.. then one fine afternoon i went to meet nanny n crystal for lunch at can b.. n i was whining to her as well.. n then THOSE WORDS.. from ms crystal.. like the joy of water touching ur salty dried up lips after a marathon... actually i dont mind leading.. what must a leader do ah? I was confused but open to the idea.. i had my reservations but i knew she'd be perfect for the job.. when i reached home that day n read kum's blog abt how she was looking forward to doing the trip.. i told myself.. YOU KNOW WHAT.. when god gives you the opportunity you embrace it and braced the storm..

it's sort of like running a race.. it is perserverance.. the strength the determination.. n at the end of it when u hit the finish line.. the satisfaction and joy.. it's addictive.. haha..

no point running if ur not going to push urself..
no point studying if ur going to stop learning after getting ur certs..
no point eating if ur not going to savour the food n waste time counting calories..
no point living if u don't noe what ur living for.....

for your viewing pleasure

2009-06-29T00:21:00.000-07:00

A beeeeg THANKS to Garen FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO!!!

2009-06-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

For now i leave you with, us, making the headlines of their local newspaper.. haha...

home

2009-06-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

Before i talk all abt my trip, i would like to share what this trip has taught me.. more than the trip the people involved in it played a great role.. FIRSTLY, i thank god for creating crystal.. because she's been of sooooooooooooooooooo much help and support to me.. n she really brought back the fighter in me.. I'm so much more patient, focused and strong.. i'm wad running gave me.. i'm really impressed by how mature and responsibleshe can be at her age.. when i see people older than that acting like brats and so irresponsibly..

secondly all my participants have impressed me such a great deal that it blew me away and i was lost for words.. when u leave that kinda of an impression with me u have nailed it.. the amt of dedication, perserverance, strength, love, endurance that was put by each and everyone was remarkable.. they have taught me to not judge a book by its cover.. pple are much capable than they appear to be..

lastly the pple in the village brought me closer to home.. I love and really truly appreciate the pple back home as well as what i have.. I'm closer to my family.. i actually turned to my mom when i was extremely traumatised during the trip and i felt so much better talking to her.. AND HONESTLY THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT HAS EVER HAPPENED.. i think it's the grown up transition period.. haha.. i missed navin soooo sooo much.. that when i came back i had nothing but only truck loads of love to give.. i've been embracing him every since the start of the trip and i'll continue to do that.. he's truly worth it....

and i love my house.. hahaha..

i think this trip has really prepared me for the working world out there.. and i'm so grateful for that becos i think it would be best to learn such valuable lessons now then later on in life..
This my cup of tea... It was satisfying.. And i would definitely do it again..

i shall leave u guys with this post for now.. n in 2 days or more.. i'll post all the scoops on YEP JUNE09, PROJECT SMILES..

touched

2009-05-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on mon.. to indya.. for youth expedition project!! hope everything goes well n it would be a great experience for me.. it's my first time leading a team of 14 to do such volunteer work.. so i'm jus keeping my fingers crossed.. haha..

me n kums are going to bangalore first to recce the area.. n the team is coming on the 5th.. so we'd be on our own till then in the kanada speaking part of indya!! haha..

anyhow.. i'm drained.. busy packing n settling things last min.. sigh..

so my darling bf.. actually surprised me with something really special.. n it was so adorable..

He made a collage of movie ticket stubs that we have watched.. no all but wadever he cld gather.. n it's so cute cos i now actually remember that the first movie we ever watched was fun with dick n jane.. n it was on the 4th of feb 2006.. ahah.. so darling.. haha.. n he bought me a cookie from delifrance.. haha.. so cute..

FOR ALL WOMEN WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND Y THEIR BF'S ARE LIKE THIS N THAT PLS READ MEN ARE FROM MARS N WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS..

i must admit.. it taught me the one of the most valuable lesson in life.. n i find it easier now.. hahah..

i actually can't believe i'm leaving poor navin all alone in sg for 27 days.. how i torment myself seems masochistic at times.. but yes i am really really gonna miss him alot.. n i'm really looking forward to seeing his handsome face when i come back..

hohoho

2009-05-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

OKIE... hahaha.. i'd be embarking on a wonderful journey in 4 more days.. haha..
can't wait.. so we had our ubin trip.. which was super duper funny.. hahah..n a shock n a pleasant experience for some.. but all in all.. it served the purpose.. so alls well.. hahah..

now packing n meeting up as many ppl as i can..

i'm so nauseated from the malaria pills.. so gross..

OH i hope they release the dates for subject registration.. sigh.. so idiotic..

anyhow.. i hope everything goes well...

oh here are some of the pictures of how the house in the village is gonna look like..

haha...

outside the house

the main door

the toilet

outside the house n the water tank

the kitchen

haha.. till then.. chao..

hanging out

2009-05-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

that cutie pie there.. would be my nephew if i married navin...

that's Dhirenn.. navin's baby nephew.. haha...

It's the season for baby boys!! hahaha.. or maybe jus babies..

anyways.. went to get baby dhirenn's 1 year old birthday party gifts.. n i was with navin's cuz n his sis n his uncle.. we had lunch at pastamania.. then the uncle had to go back.. so us girlies went to tekka mall to get the party stuff.. if u are wondering where the heck the concourse party shops have vanished to .. IT'S TEKKA MALL LEVEL 5!! hahaha.. i noe.. n u can thank me later..

then navin's cuz bro joined us n his gf met us later on.. then we ate somemore.. n the couple left.. so the 3 of us headed to PS.. bought somemore things from daiso.. n went back to j8 sweet secrets to order cake n headed home.. it was quite fun..

so FRIDAY MARKS SHIT.. COS MY RESULTS ARE OUT... eeewww..

then ubin during wkends.. then packing all the way.. saying my goodbyes..

so yest me n navin celebrated loving each other for 3 yrs n 3 mths.. n we had dinner at holland .v's thai express.. n walked abit n headed home.. i hope i can spend some quality time wit him.. cos for now he's relief teaching.. plus so many functions.. n stuff.. sheesh.. barely get time to jus sit down or even hug...

anyways.. INDIA SOON...

desperate housewives

2009-05-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

the only rare serials i follow are desperate housewives, criminal minds, ghost whisperer...

yest when i saw desperate housewives..at first i thought wad a lame episode.. cos it was abt their handyman who died.. but later on this very same episode i started to think and even tear.. when i saw susan crying uncontrollably.. i was like oh my god.. that's exactly how i cry.. haha.. unstoppable and like crazy.. n wad the handyman said.. was weirdly true..

i am a never-give up person..i might say that i give up actually i jus cant.. n it is so tiring doing that all the time.. especially when it concerns the one u love.. but like what he said it must be worth it.. n yes it is.. it makes me a stronger individual...

any how...

i am packing for india.. n hoping for money to come by!! sigh...

india

2009-05-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

I cANT wait to head to india...

anyways.. thanks for trying baby... even though i torture u so much.. i noe that the truth AND when i speak the truth it cannot be determined otherwise!! so the truth is ur wads best for me.. and thats wad i believe in.. u maybe my lazy pig.. but ur kind and u treat me right... n ur gentle.. n handsome n cute.. n neat.. n tat's wad i actually like...

satyam vada, dharmam chara..

speak the truth, do virtuous deeds..

K7!! i think ur an A-HOLE for dropping out of the team!! U MAY REASONS WAD-SO-EVER.. BUT STILL UR TURNING 21 N IF THIS IS HOW UR GONNA BE THEN FINE!!

meeting moses later..

OH I WENT FOR mediacorp SHOOTING.. some pck song abt courtesy la. oh well.. seeya later then..

messed up

2009-05-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

You know.. sometimes.. I really feel like shit!!! AND WHEN I MEAN SHIT I REALLY MEAN SHIT SHIT!!

it's jus so horrible.. so stressed.. and when ur so stressed and it's jus too much for u to take.. the ppl ard you jus fail to see tat.. or even when they see it they cldnt really be bothered.. SOMETIMES WHEN I'M TRYING TO OPEN UP i dont even think u r actually listening cos the moment i end u so easily without even acknowledging my concerns switch to other stuff abt YOU!!!

what is going on? You know it is said that at a certain point of everyone's life u actually look and someone and the way that person responds to you or behaves towards you shows a reflection of you.. and that someone is usual your mother..

however i think it doesnt only apply to mothers but alot of others out there.. especially those whom really matter to you and u spend alot of time with..

this mirroring has left me questioning myself... maybe i'm not a good person, or a person worth being cared for or even loved? harsh words.. but it's even painful when you actually feel it..

i think before you put others in front of you you put urself as NO .1.. becos noone else is going to do that for you..

also i think it's very impt to stay healthy.. n take self responsibility to not fall sick.. cos noone is going to look out for you or even be concern till u "FIGHT"(as so the person puts it) with them...

finally to motivate yourself (this cld be potentially a bad thing as well cos self motivated ppl have the tendency to act irrationally) however desperate times call for desperate measures.. the show must go on.. hence deep breaths water and a sane mind..(no neccessity for psychotics there)..

the sad truth is even as i type those stuff it's still pathetic...

mr elephant god.. i need you baby...

new layout!!

2009-05-07T05:57:00.001-07:00

lotus...

is one of my favourtie flowers.. because it represents purity.. why? how? if you realised the lotus flowers only grows in swamps and mud.. however.. you can never find a drop of dirt or mud on it.. that's the beauty of the flower...

swine flu alert has dropped.. i need to break a coconut of my best fren the elephant god..
MY INDIA YEP IS ON BABY!! ahahaha...

can't wait.. especially to see my dearies over there..

ok

2009-05-03T05:45:00.001-07:00

EXAMS ARE OVER.. WHEN TO GENTING N HAD A WONDERFUL TIME!! THE WEATHER N THE FOOD I ATE N THE COMPANY N EVERYTHING WAS THE BEST.. I DONT THINK I EVER HAD SUCH AN AWESOME TRIP...

NOW IS EXPEDITION PREPS.. IT JUS SUCKS THAT THE SWINE FLU HAS HIT COS IT'S PUTTING PRESSURE COS WE DONT NOE WHETHER IT'S SAFE TO LEAVE... SIGH..

I NEED A JOB... DAMN IT.. NEED MONEY!! HAI..THIS SUCKS LA..

modules

2009-04-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

I cant wait for next wk to be over.. the 3 papers..

then.. i can move on to my main papers.. it's like work work work work work all the way till end of may.. actually there is a short break to genting with the boys and my honeh!! haha..

then first aid course.. then visa settlements vaccinations pre exp.. HOPING NYC will give me our trip grant soon..

Oh btw our project is called PROJECT SMILES..

yest i was on the way to skool.. and i was jus thinking abt the khao lak trip i went for during MI.. and as i was returning home from Khao Lak.. i remembered telling shan.. that someday after we graduate.. we'd be going for a trip like tat on our own.. we'd plan it ourselves and all we knew tat time was that u need to be 21 yrs old and above to do it.. and here i am 23 yrs old.. Leading a Youth Expedition Project to India.. and i know tat she's going to do her trip in dec.. I'm really proud of her.. Becos it's one thing to say that u want to do it.. but many never really got down to doing it.. and that thin line there defines you from the others..

It is a dream.. and we stuck to it.. It is really huge.. the responsibility in my hands is crazy.. but i want to do this.. for the record it's training me to achieve my first objective.. to be patient..

k now.. my head shall be in green chem, cs and lab..

abstract

2009-03-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

Ok.. i jus realised that in my previous post i spelt heart as hard.. haha.. my english is deteriorating bit by bit..

ANYHUUUU.... MY PROJECT PROPOSAL IS ACCEPTED BY NYC!!! YAY!! WONDER WHEN THEY WILL GIVE ME THE MONEY.. N PPLE I'M STILL RECRUITING.. COME AND HAVE A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE IN INDYA!!!!!

hahahaha...

i went to my doc for my lip eczema.. then.. he scolded me for the breakout on my face.. cos i havent been seeing him for my meds.. then he typed extremely non-compliant on his note book.. then looked at me.. n said.. OMG!! You are in NTU right... then i went like ya.. then he said " triple E ah?" i said no chemistry.. he was like for a moment u got me there.. hahaha...

i gotta start studyin... shit....

shitt.....

shitttt.........

I DONT UNDERSTAND Y PPLE SAY I'M SHRINKING... the only thing i lack is sleep.. not food.. not fluids.. but sleep!!!

it's annoying.. stop it... i'm nice enough not to tell u to stop wearing sleeveless cos ur arms are cellulite-ridden.. but i do tell my closest frens.. u noe whom u are... if anything goes wrong.. but the rest shld jus shut ur damn trap!!!

to better skin n soft pink lips.. hail Dr.JC.......HAHAHA...

dear me

2009-03-28T05:21:00.000-07:00

I HATE THIS PART..

this part is where u have to say no to alot of people...where u have to inevitable break pple's hard.. where u have to torment ur physic.. where u have to work the hardest u possibly can for the longest period.. so tat u reap sweet and 1st grade fruits!!

Priority is always impt.. in if i have to forgo something to achieve something which is urgent.. i WILL!!

Stress... Pressured.. n Tensed..

Face Shop masks are great..

Leadership course tis wkend n next wkend in ubin for leadership course as well..
mon green chem test..
thurs 3000 word HW 101A report due (this is actually nothing compared to the 10000 YES 10000 word report i had to hand in!!!)
thurs also must give my yep participant itinerary n confirmation on trip details..
amidst all this must study for the exam that is the following wk...

how now brown cow...

rage

2009-03-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

CURENTLY i'm like a pressure cooker.. except almost malfunctioning n waiting to explode.. n during these times i have my famous stunt move with i do out of rage accompanies by a yell of the word MORON within split seconds when noone is watching or so i think...

THIS move is exactly the one that uma thurman does in my super ex girlfriend when she is in the car n screams LIAR! n whacks the windscreen...yeap thats exactly me with the same frequency of psychosis.. haha...

back to analytical CHEM...

2009-03-06T04:59:00.000-08:00

ASH'S 21st

the zoo trip with the girls

navin's pre vday with me.. love him for lots of reasons...

A very tired navin and sangi!!!

MY safari zoo run... some reasons y i like the zoo still....

trauma

2009-03-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

yes.. i'm a tad bit traumatized because i care... I arrived in school like 10 mins after david had jumped.. since my lectures are in south spine i stop at info comm n walk though LEVEL B2 of the EEE building.. when i realised something was wrong.. police were cordoning(dont not how to spell u get the idea) areas with their funky POLICE tapes.. my dearest ash told me that her fren had earlier told her that someone was gonna commit suicide by jumping down.. we stood there kay-pohing to see if we'd see any gory stuff.. all we saw was the officer with blood all over his gloves.. n the ambulance driving off with 4 police cars left.. and ppl from the comm studies filming the event.. n before we're late for analytical chem we had to leave the site..afte which ash said she wanted to chao old man lecture n left but moments after she called me to say tat the press reporters had arrvied n were questioning her abt the case.. n only then she had overheard that a student had stabbed a prof n subsequently jumped of the glass walkway bridge.. YOU NOE I GOT WALK THERE BEFORE!!! SO FREAKY CAN!!

then old man was extra nice n even told us the possible questions tat cld come out for physical chem.. cos he said that at this pt of time he has to be caring towards us.. haha...

but other than tat.. i really feel very sorry for the boy.. n wadever that droved him to this state shld never happen to anyone in life.. poor thing.. even though he has left me disturbed when i walk that area.. i really feel saddened by wahtever had happened..

on a lighter note.. Kana was dam cute.. hahah.. in the afternoon i got a msg from one of my besties asking if i was alright.. hahah.. so adorable.. but dei he didnt go ard stabbing students la.. thank god and david for not doing that..

so my karma bank balance apparently has more sins than good in it.. so i need to make a profit.. asap.. and i'm procrastinating again.. which is bad.. so must eliminate tat..

n my real bank balance also has crashed.. i need like a job damn it!! haha..

oh well.. gonna play a while then study..

self redemption?

2009-03-01T07:21:00.000-08:00

so one wk has passed jus like tat... but i can feel the pressure building up.. SO NOT GONNA BREAK ME.. haha..

i feel i've become at least a tad bit patient.. feels abit like a change.. like i've redeemed myself.. or something along those lines.. it's a good thing.. sometimes.. when i teach hinduism.. n it's like so vast.. n symbolic.. that.. i feel so powerful.. u noe.. at the same time submitted by the lord's words..n with tat lil reminder from him abt ego n ignorance it has made me realise.. wad i have been like those times..

on a lighter note.. i got my wisdom tooth yanked out from my mouth.. yes my dentist is a cool good indian chap..how ever since i sleep on my side it bleeds everynight..that actually rhymed..so then played badminton watched a tonne of movies.. tried studying.. did some admin for the trip.. feelign sick.. i have a horrid throat n ulcers in my mouth!!

gonna do lab report!

a little

2009-02-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

i've learnt to loosen my grip.. there are certainly the occasion shot of rage rush thru my temples and my head... but this is it my life.. i wanna do what i wanna do...maybe cos i've given up to the believe that the ones i need can help me or be there for me.. NO YOU CANT AND YOU WONT.. only i can do that for myself...

spending valentines day with my girlies made me think alot.. abt how glad i am to still be able to keep in touch with them.. and also how i'm able to do this on my own.. affirmative..

hmm... my 3rd anniversary was spent pretty normally cos i had lab the next day... yes i would have liked it to be something special.. but this is better than nothing.. navin's gift to me.. was actually the fisherman pants which i told him to buy for me from phuket but there wasnt any so he bought me a ali baba pants of a pretty nice shade of purple.. that was my 3years anniversary present.. i gave his a clay ambigram keychain that was also a whistle.. it was custom made and when u look at it it reads sangee but whenu turn it it reads navin as well..

you noe wad.. i'm gonna pray...

well

2009-02-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

shld be doing my lab report now.. but the calculations are like eye boggling!!

so valentines day was spent buying a pretty backpack at peninsular plaza and shopping with my darling nithiya!! after which we went for a half body massage and headed to night safari with our dear renuka and her bf.. haha.. n another fren of theirs.. it was quite fun.. but tiring la.. i love my girlies...

oh if u were wondering where my darling navin went.. he went to phuket with his campmates to celebrate their transition from ns boy to civilian man.. haha.. he'd be home tom in my arms.. n on thurs we will be going 3 yrs.. haha..yay..

oh my dear moses had his sister's ROM on v.day n had to be there in the morning to get ready n stuff at scotts royale.. but he was sweet enough to drop by in the morning jus so he cld give me exquisite choclates from cocoa tree !! thanks dearie..

was suppose to meet kums n her sister in law for dinner but i cld cos of my crazy frens.. i'm so sorry dear..

then on sun had balargurukulam class.. brought my kids to the temple as it was gita jayanti (birth of the bhagavad gita).. where they stunned me by answering all the questions a lady quizzed them on correctly!! i'm so proud tat all my efforts had not gone to waste..
n it was weird how a certain someone kept lingering ard me n trying to make random conversations..
then headed over to navin's place for dhivya's tuition.. i baked for them chocolate chip cookies for vday.. n it was a sell out.. haha... everyone finished it... his mom gave me a very pretty tealight lamp for v.day...

then went home to have dinner at the chinese stall near myplace.. had chili crab n all..

yest was ashy's 21st.. haha.. went to eat at tandoori restaurant near mustafa.. n today.. had my first driving lesson.. it's scarily fun.. hhaah..

alright.. more updates.. coming ur way soon..