learning

Lifelong learning.. I understood the meaning when I met Vincent.. My student who is diagnosed with asperger. Sometimes I can identify so much with him to the point where I am somewhat convinced that I might have asperger too.. But of course that is bullshit.. Asperger is a subset of utism. Only difference is that there are extremely intelligent. Imagine if a primary one boy is able to look at a multiplication sentence and reverse and rewrite it into a division sentence all by himself.. It is extremely tiring and sometimes i just feel like banging my head into the wall.. However, most of the times he is extremely adorable.. Except for when we have meltdowns in class. It breaks my heart to see him victimise himself and cry.. And today was one major meltdown. Usually I have my hp on standby so that i can buzz the allied educator to come to my class.. ( ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN A P1 CLASS BECAUSE EVERYONE TENDS TO BE A K-POH!) hOWEVER THE AED had gone on a week's leave.. So I had to calm myself down.. Manipulate the other kids into doing the a fun worksheet and attend to Vincent whilst listening to Vincent wail at the top of his voice. Did I mention?

Today was the first day of PSLE..

My darling vincent had to be reassured. And because he need reasons and he goes on and on asking the same thing.. I wrote him a letter and asked him to read with me while i wrote it. And so it did.. At times he would think of the worst and breakdown again.. But i would immediately snap him out of it and move on to the next thing. Thank god.

It is a learning process for the both of us. I learn patience and he learns social skills or at least he is exposed to it. Step by step.

It isn't just vincent who has affected my life it the whole lot of students I teach. Some cry, some laugh, some are nice and some are rude. After a day's work and saving these kids from leading an illiterate life all i want to do is nothing. I want to go home and not worry about anything.. I want to be alone.

Just yesterday, I realise that my life is filled with many people. But I only hold a few close to me.. My immediate family, my boyfriend's family and a few of my friends. And I realise how much of a lonely life I had led to enjoy it.

I think now that I know the path I am headed towards.. The only thing left to do is to execute it well.. As for all other things, I will hold it constant. Ceteris paribus.

Relationships stagnated. Because I don't intend to give my 100% at it anymore.. I hope it doesn't depreciate to an extent to which it is irrecoverable.

On the flip side, I am a happy person still with a positive attitude.Could be healthier still working on it. And most importantly I know the purpose of my life. Not to get married and start a family, not to earn a shit load of cash and get a fancy car and live in a condo.. But to help others who are in need of my help. And I promise you I will fulfil that.