these past four years

These past four years.. Has been an emotional rollercoaster.. And the following post I'm about to write might or might not be a result of my crazy hormones.. Well at least or at the most it's an exagerated truth..

Alot has happened in the past four years.. Well, the good part is I'm met alot of people and made many new frens.. Some who will definitely stick with me life long and others who I've learnt many lessons of life from.. Some who helped me so much with no expectations in return... And some plain ignorant...

I've gotten a job.. It may not be my dream job (thats cos i dunno what my dream job is) but its certainly is a well paying job.. And getting one is hard enough these days.. Especially with my arse luck.. There shld have been a celebration but no... There isnt..

I have also attained my BSc.(Hons) Chemistry with  Biological Chemistry cert.. And yes.. There shld be a celebration.. But there isn't.. Simply because.. there isn't anyone to celebrate it with.. Just like most of my birthdays and many other important occasion pertaining to myself...

Yes it makes me very sad, and upset, and disappointed and envious.. it's makes me cry my eyes out..

But... i realise.. the last time i celebrated something was the year after my a's.. So I thank you; Yasmeen, Yani, Farna, Zaf, Jan, Sha for celebrating my b.days during M.I days..

I remember, how happy I was the first time I entered NTU.. I was filled with pride.. I had done it.. I wanted it so bad.. And I had gotten it.. The 3 years in M.I.. Was the strongest I have ever felt in my life.. I felt so powerful and fantastic.. I could rule the world.. But after I had entered uni.. It all became stagnant... Yes.. I did not give it my best.. I did not study as hard as I should have.. Because I became content with the things around me.. It's very disappointing.. It's not ok.. It's unacceptable.. Because.. I am much more capable.. I don't feel immense happiness or joy or the need to even celebrate.. Because I don't deserve it.. I made it.. no... I shld have nailed it..

Like they say.. If you don't go down.. You'd nv know the sweet taste of being on top..

Money and fame and status and people.. make the world go blind..

I'm moving into the next phase of my life.. And here I am.. to make a pact to myself.. to upkeep discipline.. I have to run and train twice a wk..and to do everything in my power.. To be the best I can.. and to achieve.. high standards for myself..And nothing and noone can stop me.. THIS TIME I AM NO1. PRIORITY for myself..

Secondly.. men are idiots.. Yes.. they are.. They communicate like shit.. Even after you have given them in your face instructions... They fail.. So if they can't make the decision you make it.. I am so not looking forward to that phase of life.. It literally feels like I'm digging my own grave..

So anyways.. the pact is made.. and i guess.. since I'm earning now.. How about I seal the deal.. with a ........................................hehehehe